Writing

WHITE PHONE: It is not too late. You are judged how you deal with others. A change is always welcome. There will be great rejoicing in Heaven...
UBU: You mean there hasn't been already...
WHITE PHONE: In your ongoing case, quite frankly, no. In fact on Earth, results, to put it politely- if not honestly- the reception, the results, are mixed at best. But we are not here to talk about the worst, but a turn toward the best.
UBU: The best deal ever.
WHITE PHONE: We mean two different things at this point. If you believe, we can come together.
UBU: Mutual respect.(Nods head rapidly)
WHITE PHONE: Let us just say we have a deal at this point?
UBU: Now, You're talking!...Uh Gabriel?
WHITE PHONE: Yes?
UBU: When do we start?
WHITE PHONE: Right now. Your heart is healed, otherwise the whole thing would be moot. We have a list of things to do and public addresses to make.
UBU: Not so fast! Have to test this new ticker out. Hello?...Hello? Jesus! did they just hang up?
ESTEBAN #3: Here are your new batches of regal commands, Sire.
UBU: Oh, well, if I must. Say, you don't look familiar. Recite the oath!
ESTEBAN#3: Ubu Roi, tu es la loi, L'Etat c'est moi, c'est ca je crois. I serve and I obey everyday, everyway. I obey-bey-bey-bey-be-e-e-ey...
UBU: OK, wonderful. You know I was just talking to His Satanic Majesty, really great guy. Plays a mean round of golf, of course. Wait...I am supposed to give these orders?
(White phone and red phone ring simultaneously. Ubu looks from one to the other, indecisive. Picks up red phone)
RED PHONE: This is to be expected. Glad to see you trying to forget about your lapse. Remember what happens to anyone breaking one of MY contracts!
UBU: Myfisto? I told you I don't like talking to subordinates, especially someone disrespecting me so far as to make threats. Let's remember who the King is around here. (picks up White Phone as Red gets too hot to handle.
UBU: Hello, G..Gabriel is it? I get it with this infernal damnation thing. They've been trying to get me under their thumb and spoil everything that's great. Let me sign this first order...I don't have to sign it in blood do I...Haha...uh yeah I thought that was funny too.
PRESS SECRETARY A BLONDEBOT: " BY ROYAL DECREE ALL SPENDING CUTS, ALL DEPORTATIONS AND FIRINGS WILL BE SUSPENDED AND REVERSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE_ except for that mean guy who talked bad about me after all the great things I let him do, no, not very nice at all- AND ALL ARMED FORCES AND FEDERAL AGENTS SHALL RETURN TO THEIR NORMAL POSTS AND DUTIES FORTHWITH.
UBU: You know I kind of enjoyed that. That part I added I thought was really good. Not often you get to add to perfection. They thought they knew who they were dealing with. That'll take the self-righteous smug look off their faces. All this and Heaven too! This is the best position to negotiate my future. Almost got taken in like a typical chump of Satan! This path doesn't look so narrow. Do you think I might even get an angelic host parade when I come marching in?
RED PHONE: rings violently
UBU: (laughs) That's right! Eat your heart out, loooo-ser! Ubu is going to be saved!

End of Act One

{The short play is in three acts. The second is the struggle for salvation. I know this is ominously close to offending just about everyone, but it is a comedy with the very very best of intentions for those who need it most. }