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LuckyCharms

(21,236 posts) Sat Nov 1, 2025, 09:24 AM Nov 1

I've been estranged from my older sibling for 13 years. [View all]

No fault of my own.

I was caretaker for my mother as she slowly passed away.

My sibling washed her hands of my mother well before her death, and my mom's death brought out their resentment for me providing her aid.

Sibling literally turned their back on me and walked away the moment my mom died.

I have USPS informed delivery, and I see that I am getting a handwritten letter today in the mail from my sibling.

This is not what I need right now.

I'm probably getting this letter because I've been helping out their daughter, without speaking to my sibling.

Turning your back on a person...walking away from them...can destroy them. Literally and actually. You're left there looking into a smoking crater, wondering what the fuck happened.

I don't know why people do what they do. Why people just...discard human beings.

This is likely going to trigger the fuck out of me. It's off to the races in the mental health derby.

61 replies

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Highlight:

I've been estranged from my older sibling for 13 years. [View all] LuckyCharms Nov 1 OP

Don't blame yourself. Sometimes you need to step back from toxic relationships. Ritabert Nov 1 #1

I've been trying to reconcile this for a long time. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #2

He insulted us to our faces for no reason and that was it. Ritabert Nov 1 #7

That's how it happens. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #8

And now we're conserving money due to Trump Ritabert Nov 1 #9

Mine is only 190 miles... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #11

I guess it's worth a try at that distance. Ritabert Nov 1 #18

I am so sorry to hear this, my dear LuckyCharms . . . CaliforniaPeggy Nov 1 #3

Thank you...Dear Peggy. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #4

First of all, thank you for what you've done. You stood on the higher ground underpants Nov 1 #5

Underpants... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #6

❤️ underpants Nov 1 #16

Strength to you, LC. electric_blue68 Nov 2 #50

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Sometimes we have to throw our hands up, turn and walk away. ... marble falls Nov 1 #10

I've been up all night trying to figure out niece's taxes... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #12

Then don't. Delete it. Your peace of mind is much more valuable than the artificial social convention of having to ... marble falls Nov 1 #13

I just opened the letter... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #14

That sounds like an attempt at a peace offering. LisaM Nov 1 #21

It is an attempt. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #23

See post 26. You are a far kinder soul than I am, though. niyad Nov 1 #29

Always say 'thankyou!'. They never know what to say past 'you're welcome', and smoothly, you walk away. marble falls Nov 1 #43

can you have someone else read it Skittles Nov 1 #49

Choices ZDU Nov 1 #15

Could you have someone else read it? Tesha Nov 1 #17

My sister and I haven't spoken in a decade LittleGirl Nov 1 #19

Your husband is right DUgosh Nov 2 #51

Thanks. Appreciated. nt LittleGirl Nov 2 #54

I used to get letters from my brother to whom I haven't spoken now for 30 years. NNadir Nov 1 #20

My older sister hasn't talked to me in 2 years kimbutgar Nov 1 #22

Sorry to hear this. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #25

You're not destroyed you're a survivor. ❣️ live love laugh Nov 1 #24

Just to remind you that your DU family is here for you, so lean as hard niyad Nov 1 #26

Niyad, for years, I've always felt that if I am... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #38

Huggggggggs. Just remember that you are enough, exactly as you are. And niyad Nov 1 #39

Oh thank you. I tend to vent my spleen here... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #41

You have a wide variety of therapists here! Some are even professionals, niyad Nov 1 #44

It isn't your fault. pandr32 Nov 1 #27

I think I'm probably going to just tell them off. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #35

You, too. pandr32 Nov 1 #36

My unasked for, possibly wrong advice femmedem Nov 2 #53

I am very sorry for what you are going through, LuckyCharms Grim Chieftain Nov 1 #28

Thank you, and I don't envy you. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #30

I'm sorry that it took 13 years for them to reach out to you, Lucky Niagara Nov 1 #31

Thanks, Niagara. LuckyCharms Nov 1 #32

You have a huge heart, LuckyCharms.. Permanut Nov 1 #33

Do you have to read it? Marthe48 Nov 1 #34

Sadly familiar story to me. hay rick Nov 1 #37

Yep. OldBaldy1701E Nov 2 #52

The most valuable life lesson (and apparently - the one that took forever for me to learn) that I keep Marie Marie Nov 1 #40

The thing is... LuckyCharms Nov 1 #42

8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Toxic People Donkees Nov 1 #45

Good advice- people who have personality disorders always take things personally womanofthehills Nov 1 #46

That must have hurt terribly. snot Nov 1 #47

Such a sad thread. I was the older of two kids. My brother, 3 years younger, died when he was only 23... 3catwoman3 Nov 1 #48

Message auto-removed Name removed Nov 5 #55

welcome to DU RussBLib Nov 5 #56

Absolutely not. LuckyCharms Nov 5 #57

As cold as this may sound either 'return to sender' or throw it in the trash unopened. Tikki Nov 5 #58

I opened it. LuckyCharms Nov 5 #59

Dear friend, just hugs, I don't have advice, just cyber hugs irisblue Nov 5 #60

Thank you, irisblue. LuckyCharms Nov 5 #61