... those details about To'ak read almost like this parody I did many years ago when a relative posted a detailed account of buying and preparing (supposedly) Kobe beef.
Lovingly hand cultivated in the secret remote beet fields near Kobe, Japan, the legendary Kobe Beet is one of Earth's rare culinary delicacies. The texture of the succulent flesh is so fine and tender as to defy description.
There are never more than ten beet fields planted in this region in any given year. The seeds are sown in fields chosen by an ancient Buddhist ritual. The location of the fields is known only to a select few, and these are sworn to secrecy upon pain of death.
[note: The person who shot this picture escaped capture with only seconds to spare.]
The beet farmers of Kobe dedicate their lives to nurturing these prized vegetables. The leaves are brushed daily with sake, applied with a brush crafted of the finest butterfly antennae. The attendants recite classic haiku to the plants to soothe them as they hand massage the delicate shoots to hardy maturity. They are not given water for moisture. Rather, they are sprinkled with Japanese Asahi beer five times every day. Each plant is given daily acupuncture treatments to release toxins and reduce stress during the last weeks before harvest.
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Despite the astronomical cost of this nearly unattainable ambrosia, I decided recently to sample the Kobe legend for myself. I had saved for this for over ten years and had accumulated enough money to purchase just seven Kobe Beets. At a cost of over $300 per ounce this came to just under $10,000 - my entire life savings - but I knew this once in a lifetime meal would be worth it.
It goes on for quite a while, with images and other documentation, but you get the idea ...
That actually got the attention of R. L. Freeborn, founder of Kobe Beef America, who sent me a pretty funny response.
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