Cannabis

Last edited Thu Aug 28, 2025, 09:09 AM - Edit history (1)

This post is a work in progress.


I finally got my dosing regimen right this week

This is a long post touching on several topics and I will fill in any gaps over time in my DU web journal, which I am treating from this point on as an anonymized public record of sorts on the net, only by a disinterested scientist with no conflicts of interest (beyond not wanting to be exploited, sexually harassed, have her rights violated or end up as another casualty of the narcotics war). ;-/
Sounds a bit dramatic, but really I am just looking out for myself. I don’t believe in the power of the internet to democratize etc. I resent industries that destroy democratic, non-performative govt regulation and force such things on people who are: 1) not insane; 2) not lightweight frauds or malicious; 3) not influencers and 4) not future politicians or shills. Just the average actually pissed off common woman-well I am an inept and mediocre scientist.
Ffs i loathe the kind of forced “authenticity” that means having to declare one’s deepest, darkest (well except to anyone who worked with one or has met one) secrets over and over again to confirm the truth of the rest of it. It’s not imposter syndrome. If I could have gotten away with seeming intelligent in any way other than passing the basic self-awareness baseline, I would have picked that.

It has become a pastiche but I have paid my dues and I’ll keep a record since Trump 2 is a bit like Covid and this is my personalized innoculation I cobbled together as a human navigating garbage tech for years.

I am feeling optimistic. Well..optimistic by my standards anyway.

I am on a regimen of marijuana and this awake medication Diphenylmethyl-sulfinylacetamide. I am not an American and I live in the Global South and posting on DU aside have had few of any ties to the US since about 2014 and certainly none that are political/professional. A few purely personal ties that’s it.

I have been downloading my country’s narcotics bureau handbook since 2020 to keep a tab on things and strangely Diphenylmethyl-sulfinylacetamide is not a controlled substance - a loophole I am grateful for and keep checking. It’s not my fault if they don’t update the handbook on the govt website. And a govt website getting hacked is not my problem.
I have done my due diligence by downloading their book at periodic intervals and keeping an eye on it. I take it and everything else at face value, I avoid Prisoner’s Dilemma by rejecting such a gratuitously creepy take on game theory that you assume you are a prisoner along with people you know or engage with.
But somehow I feel that’s how these tech creeps who run things these days think.

I follow the law and stand alone work out how to not break laws and societal rules in our increasingly deregulated, undemocratic, corrupt societies that shit on women’s rights and make a mockery of everything and use industries I consider tumors to launch more tumor like studies and teaching moments while destroying real things.

In the amount in which I use it marijuana is not illegal either. There are tentative attempts to legalize it medically via alternate medicine routes and hopefully allopathy eventually. None of it is shady or illegal though it is not outright like a prescription from an allopathic shrink.

Normally I hate that Apple Cider Vinegar shit. But I am not an influencer. I just make a Gone Girl style web diary recording: Type 1 errors, sexual harassment, other forms of harassment, potential exploitation, other errors etc for the long haul.

I live in this little podunk town where there locals are mostly cool but the creeps do exist and tech always makes me leery when there is no human I can assess who is not a random professional.

I just hope any attempts to sort of not bother with marijuana crackdowns doesn’t end up having a lot of shady VR peddlers etc piling on. if marijuana legalization is experimented with. These days the commodification of human life has gotten to indecent levels and with more overt authoritarianism and the trampling of women’s rights and civil rights in general, one has to put in worthwhile honest effort just to keep afloat
Well the pen is mightier than the sword and as someone whose instincts are strictly non-profit science oriented, I treat it as an exercise for a democratic minded human scientist navigating a world that is mediated by hyper-libertarian technocrats and exploits people.

Were it a thing, I don’t want to help along a shady cottage industry of useless crap and ads and junk “street art”, Goop, data orchestration pipelines herding the sheep or any of the 9000 fucking awful business ideas out there looking to exploit and commodify the last bits of human life (to quote this journalist I rather like called Yasha Levine who seems to think he is an influencer rather than the rare type of person people trust in an uncertain world..well good to see that even respectable people like Yasha and his wife have existential issues and self doubt. It’s obvious that they wouldn’t be hired by “respectable” phonies. That doesn’t make them influencers..more like the unabombers of podcasting ..joke..). I look to people like that, this doctor Clayton Dalton, this science communicator Josh Silberg on Tyee etc racking my brains over how to lead a decent if difficult life.

This is all pretty serious stuff. And for me it is 14 years of it. Early on I floundered with existential issues - I suppose I still do.


Anyway, the medication regimen I have is fine without unwanted and creepy therapies and tests tacked on. So exploitative. Some sort of brain mapping or something with ai and data mining wouldn’t surprise me and it would be so unethical, sleazy and unsafe. I actually tried other things more conventionally and it was such a failure that now I manage my mental health alone though I never muck with anything outside mainstream medicine wrt physical health. I am pretty conventional wrt science and medicine in general.
But I just flat out disagree with confusion plus psychiatry that doesn’t work.
I have to say ad nauseum that I am not anti-psychiatry or a shill of an influencer like Laura Delano.

I have always practiced simple harm reduction solo and that’s all I ever was or am open to. Sans marijuana related needless exploitation. I have no use for kayfabe. I just calculate risks and probabilities as a human who assesses human nature and sociopolitics to see how I can lead a quiet anonymous life without sexual harassment, exploitation, exposure, authoritarianism, deregulated tech etc.

Given the number of creepy and harassing men exploiting my street or other unwanted garbage tech and intrusive crap, I like the brain saving effect MJ has. Of course Type 1 errors and apophenia plague people like me who got an unwelcome primer on how modern technology is evolving sans any regulation.
The last two months I was really angered by the amount of heavy traffic on my street. It was due to the closure of a road elsewhere which was being repaired, but since some assholes have driven their bikes down this street with their silencers off, it bothers me enough to speculate that sort of corrupted data science/traffic study could deliberately encroach with the knowledge that I couldn’t complain without sounding like a “targeted individual” who “won’t get help”.

I don’t even drive anymore. I was thinking of that reading the thread in GD about the guy who killed three people. But more on that later.


I have had two traffic accidents. You see I am putting up anything I have “to hide” so there should be no confusion if retaliation followed for open refusal to not be creeped out by the emerging tech landscape and to call it a mental health issue.

I had a near miss once early on -a defense contractor (he had a Lockheed Martin contract) sexually harassed me in the July of 2014. I had been driving from March to July with no incident. And just after this incident I was driving and in a really bad headspace -completely sober of course but angry and upset and I had a scrape..that too with a bus filled with schoolchildren. But our car was very small and it was a relatively minor incident and I apologized to the driver. He was cool about it and it blew over.

Harassment and sexual harassment take a toll on women, but hey we should just suck it up I guess.

I am finally making a sort of “Gone Girl” style web journal except not maliciously or dishonestly. But I am pretty fed up of deregulation, the ever present spectre of sexual harassment given poor data hygiene/the male skewing and generally sleazy/deregulated nature of the data sciences as of 2025 and that reality coexisting with draconian marijuana laws in our devolving post-enlightenment surveillance state with adbots/influencers etc.

During the pandemic the general public became more aware of the incursions and inroads surveillance capitalists and surveillance state are making.
Now 5 years later we are in a strange landscape that Trump or not will result in a tricky legal environment for a long time.

I am working out how to survive it as an anonymous, non influencer without much dishonesty or hate or crimes or fraud or sexual harassment but while navigating narcotics laws (my sole area of rule breaking and not even fentanyl or sleep medications like alprazolam. I hate sleep medications. I could easily tell when I had them with a prescription a few times that they are nasty, addictive and bad for you).

These two articles get to the heart of how confusing it gets:

https://aeon.co/essays/the-sovereign-individual-and-the-paradox-of-the-digital-age

https://www.ft.com/content/339418e7-405a-4028-a998-4faa622d6b23?shareType=nongift

The last part of that article is worth a read:

I don’t use marijuana or anything else recreationally. I can’t remember the last time I did something recreationally, but it was probably prior to 2011.

Anyway the most important thing is to not hurt other people and as far as that goes, I no longer drive.

I got a license late in life and our car was a stick shift back then -I liked that. (around March 2014) and drove for a few years. I was never a particularly good driver but I scraped by. I usually had a driver sitting next to me. Then one time in 2017 (I was almost sober those days) i was waiting for someone outside a hospital and the traffic police were hassling me and I started driving aimlessly. I lost my way and drove for 3-5 hours before I found my way back home. I didn’t have a smart phone back then and had forgotten my flip phone/wallet at home. I am not the most organized person and my spatial skills/direction finding are under-developed to put it kindly .

I had no accidents or issues but it was worrying. But somehow I got home ..this was Feb 2017. And after that I slowly stopped driving.

Except for beers on the weekend I was largely sober from 2014-early 2018. I only drove once again after that. It was in the May of 2021. I had been nursing my mom from August 2020-March Feb 2021. She had recovered sufficiently that I was thinking about other stuff.

And one morning in May she asked me to take our car out of the garage since it’s a small thing. I was reluctant at first because I hadn’t driven since 2018. But I went ahead and did it in bad grace. I managed to get it out of the garage as that was a minor chore.
I should have stopped then, but for some reason I thought I would try to see if I could drive forward and reverse a few times to see if I could still remember how. Instead I got confused and drove through our gate into the neighbor’s wall.
I was very fortunate that neither I nor anyone else was injured. I was completely sober. But after a break of 3 years, without an


Normally I am fairly careful and harm reduce.

When you break rules you have to be extra careful.





I even remember the day- I was chatting with Rhiannon about that Christian Bale as Dick Cheney movie. I had finished reading Shoshana Zuboff’s “The Age of Surveillance Capitalism” but was still skimming parts of it.



( notes to compose the rest:
DU Nope/Colossal.

Creepy 2010 doctor; nose picking creep in 2016-2017; feminism is incompatible with that marriage green card; cap wearing creeps after moms death, bike creeps; rude delivery man;
Rude nurse;
Prozac, K’s no parking sign Fall 2020 or early 2021..weird call about mri)

Yasha..Ed Zitron..not influencers
that creepy Elise andrews..worried about getting confused for creepy “science influencer”
Not doing it for money or attention but wtf ..
I remember a time life was nothing like this.


These are people who have personally helped me a lot. Yasha Levine in particular he has the ode t

Calls out bullshit /
Zuboff ..cottage industry of -Cambridge
Who the fuck ever seriously bought that creepy Google democrats and tech good guys shit?
Zuboff is insightful but I don’t buy her. Yasha is different.
Carlin-misanthropic humanist

Tech good guy crap
Fatuous
Omg Wikipedia /retractilnwbkch
Such bs..ugly fucks

What’s pretty brilliant about Yasha

Instead of pegging the balance at some rihtj shifted jell,

Metrics guy can eat shit. Shove your Metrics up your arse you bald pos.

But Yasha would get it that..now you are going into influencer territory but as the edgy foul mouthed shtick
Which does disservice to the years I spent spitefully hoping the metrics guy chokes on his own smugness while preaching from


Having

Since I have



MeToo


The community service that a conservative and male crew of douchebags and assholes marketing bulls


Singh from Ottawa



Musk doxxing

As up le sayed-Bernie mtg

But he shouldn’t
I’d the elites can play divide and rule so should the plebes and
The system ..current affairs



He has helped me with the very real dilemma of navigating so many things gingerly
This much I can tell you. They are never going to outright legalize marijuana when you can exploit users and well

It’ is so missing the point of what real life every means if these are your options-quake in fear of an authoritarian state; become some sort of awful player..I do it to the extent


Cage match ..musk Zuck mar Cuban Reid Hoffman


Welcome party

Not naivd (mske)..du -older people like my parents, security researchers/

Stool pigeon
If I lose my anonymity


As it is I distrust the tech creeps, the media creeps, industrialists and politicians ..I don’t want to
mri and parking sign
At least let me trust.
Conflating trust of doctors with that healthcare industry
Rude nurse mocking one about privat u
Gossip

Not a fascist. Lenient grader
Making up rules ..sexual harassment extort
Industries

Again Yashas vampire castle
( okay he is not working in Gaza)


These people can be trusted to be sane


No fixed views on tech

Left purity - bankrupting yourself won’t help any of us
Nathan Robinson who is

Bernie has broad coalition
Abdul el sayed gently corrected Nathan Robinson about Bernie’s broad base being more important than purity over terms.

Some of my most helpful doctors have been Muslim. Less worrying here than elsewhere


If I am in these things ..

Don’t want my ayurvedic doctors getting any trouble because as a leftover British era piece of bigotry held up by corrupt reefer madness peddling shrinks
This is the worst of the east and the west.
Okay with corrupt tech, deeply corrupt methodologies as long as a crowd is along and complete stupidity about real values

I lost my moral compass after my last job in a way and have only found it again and thanks to Yasha Levine primarily.
Vaccines aren’t enough..ban the damn wet markets.
Ransomware patches and screens miss the point. Shut down data mining/security theatre etc.

My dad is a respected military vet in my country and has never done anything indecent: sexual harassment, corruption.
He is a decent enough man that I am comfortable risking this.
He would be the last person to back anything spooky or industrial. Aside from everything else he is not just not corrupt and creepy he is not stupid.

I am confident in all the people I care about..my main lab and colleagues, my last mentors wife. He was okay but he was unfair to me and so I feel a bit cold towards him but he was a decent man and a good scientist. That I can vouch for.

I don’t know any of the people I will unambiguously be filing complaints about locally