The Purity Test [View all]

Let's listen in as 3rd Way Al helps a young, naive Jimmy explore the strange and wonderful world of the New Democratic Party.

"So, why do you want to join the Democratic Party?"

"Well, I guess I don't agree with the Republican view that corporations matter more than people, the military is..."

"You don't like corporations?"

"I just think they have too much power over government"

"Don't you think the government needs expertise of corporate CEOs to help formulate policy"

"But their expertise is building personal wealth for a small closed group of private investors not in soc..."

"Don't you believe in the free market?"

"Umm... I guess but there needs to be limits and regulation..."

"That sounds like communism, besides, Wall Street takes the risks, they should reap the rewards"

"But their risks are backed by money taken out of our pay chec..."

"Let's move on, what were you going to say about the military?"

"Well, it's crazy, the wars, the spying, police, tortu..."

"Don't you think we should defend ourselves?"

"Yes, but I don't believe having NSA reading my families email makes us saf..."

"You have something to hide?"

"No, but having access to all that information is inviting abuse and corr..."

"It's just metadata. So, what don't you like about torture?"

"It is clearly a primal method of revenge, there are so many better ways to..."

"If your 12 yr old daughter was about to be attacked by terrorists and you had to torture someone to stop it, wouldn't you do it?"

"But that's a silly, cartoonish fantasy, something you see on a TV show, it isn't reality..."

"Maybe your daughter isn't being attacked by terrorists right now because our patriots at CIA use torture to extract vital information."

"Really?"

"Maybe you're too radical to be a real Democrat."

"Look, I'm not applying for a job... don't you want my vote?"

"All I'm saying is, get rid of the looney left purity and you'll get along much better around here."

"WTF!"

"Just listen to yourself, you sound like some 60's hippie..."

"And you sound like a douchebag..."

"Calm down, you people need to get over it. This is the new reality."

"You people...?"

"Ever hear the President use the L word? Hillary? You're not some FDR socialist are you?"

"What's wrong with FDR, I thought he was a Democrat?"

"And Lincoln and Reagan were Republicans"

"Wait, Reagan?"

"Reagan is a good image to associate with. Lets people know we are serious. Besides, trickle down gets a bad rap."

"So, to be a New Democrat, I have to
- embrace corporate power over the legislative process
- support citizen surveillance
- accept Wall Street deregulation, torture and trickle down economics?
- admire Reagan for his positive association

You learn quick, but there's more than that
- appreciate the beauty of corporate run prisons and schools,
- understand how sending jobs to Asia builds a robust middle class,
- believe in the importance of taxes breaks for the oil and insurance industries
- adopt self-regulation as a means to protect the environment

"That sounds like a purity test"

"It's worth it in the end"

"How?"

"We win elections"

"But you got blown out..."

"Tell that to President Obama, with a capital D. And, according to the National Committee, the mid term loses were vindication that our strategy is working"

"It was pretty close considering Romney made such an ass out of... well I guess I'm misinformed"

"There's a lot you seem to be misinformed about.

"But how is this different than Republican philosophy..."

"You don't think a woman should have the right to choose?"

"Yes, she should but..."

"You want Republicans to win?"

"No, but, um, I think I have to go now. Thanks for your help."

"Anytime, can you give me some cash to help the cause?

"Uh, sorry, I'm broke."

"You get a sticker with a D on it..."

"Sorry, no money"

"OK, don't forget to vote."