Buddhism

on the whole i think your approach of not being too dogmatic, is correct. i believe The Buddha himself, advised his disciples to accept whatever food was offered to them in good faith; and not impose rigid preferences on the giver - although, i think it is acceptable for monks to forewarn meal donors, to refrain from proffering flesh.

my approach is to usually warn my host beforehand; and even if there is no clear vegetarian food, to stick to the least obnoxious (from a vege viewpoint) dishes on the menu. e.g.: dairy, or eggs - if available; the sauce, or gravy, with the starch - as opposed to the actual flesh foods; etc..

however, sometimes one is placed in a position, where it is impossible to refuse - without insulting someone. a case in point was my Teacher. we were quite close & he would often invite me home for meals - which, his wife having passed away, he would cook himself, with much care & attention. though a Buddhist himself, he ate meat; but knew i was a strict vegetarian. however, out of regard, and from his knowledge of the ancient Chinese health traditions, he would sometimes feel that i was peaky & needed my Chi to be boosted with animal protein. so, he would secretly spike his famous 'chop suey' soup, with shrimp & chopped up animal matter & forms of chicken & other fat, etc.. when he served up the meal, from the smell and the fat & the floating bits of goo, i would immediately discern the presence of meat. the very first time - i asked him if the dish contained any flesh. with a straight face, he denied it - tho' both he & i knew perfectly well, that it was reeking of dead animal. out of respect & affection, i never called him on it, and just swallowed the gunk - with straight face & the full use of all available will-power to refrain from puking - whenever it was served up; which was on very rare occasions, to be sure.