To All My Caring DU Friends [View all]

First before I get started let me ask that I you have clicked on my post, PLEASE read the entire post and not just skim through it, so that you may fully understand my posting here. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!

I tried to commit suicide.

I have not been on here for a good while. Life has been difficult. I know I am new as a member but I've lurked here for years. DU has brought me much need support since joining. I've shared things about my life in my posts to let others get to know me and make friends. I've been keeping something secret and I am now ready to share it publicly because I feel there are people here who care. I share this with you all and ask only for your understanding and not to ask for pity.

When I joined DU, I needed an escape from all my burdens. I've always like how all of you expressed similar views about politics and supported each other. HERE IS MY LIFE::

As listed in my bio, I am recently widowed after 41 years of love with the most amazing man I've ever known in my entire life. He gave me unconditional love every day of our lives together. After Tommy's Stroke, which was the most severe stroke, Tommy recovered nearly 90-95%. It took 3 and a half years of hard work and therapy. Then he had terminal pancreatic cancer. We filed Chapter 13 bankruptcy in 2020. The cancer was finally diagnosed in Nov 2024. We gave up so much to make ends meet. Tommy started a GoFundMe to save our home for me. I tried all I could to raise the funds but I could not succeed it reaching it's goal.

I didn't want to mention the GoFundMe on this site because I was afraid that some people would believe that was the only reason I joined. I've seen so many others posting their GoFundMe but I felt I was unworthy of your support. I've closed Tommy's Dying Wish GoFundMe on July 13th after exhausting every avenue I could think of. Then I did something really stupid that I am ashamed of but I will not keep it secret. I'm simply tired of having to hide everything about us like we always had to do. I hope this may help others who may be in similar situations and offer them comfort and hope. I posted the following post on Facebook and wanted to share it here. Thank you.



""I tried to commit suicide. July 13th, I deactivated Tommy’s GoFundMe and walked into the kitchen, and I took Tommy’s 81 cancer pain pills. I knew immediately after doing so that it was wrong. I’m ashamed I allowed myself to fall into such deep despair. I immediately called my neighbor, who called 911. I was held in a mental ward until July 21st before being released.

I hope everyone will understand that I did it because I did not want to lose my home. I still want to keep my home. This is the last home I will ever live in. If I am forced to sell it, I will never have another home. Tommy and I lived here. We were so happy to have a retirement home. Tommy died here. Leaving here will be the end of the only home I will ever have.

I’m not sure where I will end up if I leave here but it will never be a real home, just a place to rent and live on what I can afford. The loss of Tommy and having no family of my own leaves me devastated. I know I must carry on and move forward and I will, but my future is filled with so much uncertainty. Having to get rid of nearly every possession we own just rips my heart out. Our entire life together, just thrown away. Hauled off like trash.

Social Security has still not allowed me my Survivor Benefits. I apply to every job opening I can think of that I can physically do. After contacting over 600 Churches and hundreds of organizations and charities and people, only one small church offered help. I found out that Churches only help their own members and would not even tell them about our GoFundMe for fear of losing money from their own coffers. I will never understand why it was so hard to get decent people to post the GoFundMe and share with others to help the cause Tommy created as he was dying. I am deeply grateful to everyone who did. I really did all I could and failed.

I really am doing the best I can. I’m ashamed of my suicide attempt but I will not keep it a secret. Other people need to hear my story so it might give them encouragement to survive and not do what I did.

All I want to do is stay in my home. We had to give up our life insurance policies after Tommy’s stroke in 2019 to make ends meet, thinking we would just add them back on after the bankruptcy. We never expected Terminal Pancreatic Cancer. If you do not have life insurance and mortgage insurance, get them. If you have them, never give them up! That one mistake has cost me EVERYTHING. Don’t let this happen to your family.

Thank you all for reading. I will keep our true friends updated as I move forward. I am so sorry for what I did, and I hope you will forgive my desperation.

PLEASE, if you send me a private message or call me, please know that I need a little time to cope so I may not be able to respond. I am dealing with so much right now. I do love you all and I am grateful beyond measure for your support. Thank you.""


May You All Be Healthy, Safe and Happy and LOVED
Reis, Tommy’s Loving Husband