WARNING: The following post is 100% factual (because I couldn’t make it up).

In an unhinged speech to Memphis police officers last month, Stephen Miller (aka Pee-Wee German) said of gang members, “They think that they’re tough. They have no idea how tough we are. They think that they’re hardcore. We are so much more hardcore than they are.”

Given how hardcore he says he is, I thought it was worth asking: How hardcore is Stephen Miller, really?

On June 17, 2018, Miller, a tireless cheerleader for wrenching migrant children from their parents, was dining at Espita Mezcaleria, a Mexican restaurant in Washington. Recognizing him from his sweaty performances at the White House podium, a fellow diner called out, “Hey look guys, whoever thought we’d be in a restaurant with a real-life fascist begging [for] money for new cages?”

Surprisingly, Miller didn’t take this opportunity to defend his beloved policy of family separation. According to a witness, he scurried away. But Miller’s fear of restaurant patrons is nothing compared to his fear of chalk.