US Attorney Boxwine Bad At Indicting Ham Sandwiches [View all]

Oh hey, Donald Trump has a plan he thinks he can replicate to attack every American city where non-white people live and that didn’t vote for him? Ha, well tens of millions of us can play that game. Which ones of us? Whoever gets called for federal jury duty, in any jurisdiction where it’s necessary.

The hilarious news broke today that US Attorney Boxwine of Washington DC — previously Judge Boxwine — cannot even get a ham sandwich indicted. Everybody is making the exact same obvious joke, but that’s because it needs to be said, because we are talking about the Case Of The American Hero With The Sandwich, the incident caught on tape where a guy named Sean Dunn responded to Donald Trump’s terrorizing of Washington DC by hitting a goon fed thug in the face with a soft, delicious submarine sandwich. (The fed died, just kidding the fed immediately started waddle-chasing after the guy and a band of tubas started playing, it was a whole thing.)

DC US Attorney Jeanine Pirro, who is missing a two-for-one margs and apps special at Chili’s for this, tried to get a grand jury to give her an indictment in the case. There’s even a purported, alleged confession from the perfect angel who did it. “I did it. I threw a sandwich.”

And the grand jury in DC, without prompting, said “Sandwich? I don’t see a sandwich,” and fucked off on out of there as legends.

Kids! You can try this at home, wherever your home is! Any place there is even a whiff that the case they’re trying to get you to indict and/or convict is tainted by being part of the Trump Nazi regime’s 24/7 terrorist attack on the United States, just say no. They talk about being sand in fascism’s gears? How about grinding fascism to an absolute fucking halt.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/us-attorney-boxwine-bad-at-indicting