Spurious News: Trump orders barbecue chain to make pulled pork out of beef! [View all]

DALLAS, TEXAS (Spurious News Network) — Fresh off Trump’s claim he made a deal with the Coca-Cola Company to use cane sugar in its flagship beverage, he made a new boast that even his most fervent supporters are questioning.

“There’s this place called Dickey’s Barbecue Pit. The owner is a great friend of mine. They’ve been ripping off the public by selling food made out of pork. I ordered them to stop doing that and make everything out of real American beef instead.”

Laura Rea Dickey, CEO of Dickey’s Restaurant Group, threw her hands in the air at the news. “Didn’t anyone tell that dumbass Yankee pulled pork ain’t pulled pork if it ain’t made out of pork? We sell beef brisket that’s very popular, but we’re not going to stop selling pulled pork - or making it from pork. It’s too well-loved to do otherwise.”

Even Trump’s most fervent supporters are aghast. Said Lauren Franklin, a lady from Crossville, Tenn., who flies a Trump flag so big it can be seen from thirty miles away, “what part of pulled PORK doesn’t he get?”