hold her hands.

Coffee, for the doughnuts?

She may be in some shock right now, so go slow.

Tell her that you love her, support her and will do whatever you can to help her.

Perhaps look up counseling resources and victim assistance programs in your area.
Try to help her get medical and psych support.

I am assuming some survivors here on DU can chime in.

RAINN has
National Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors and their Loved Ones
https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones

It also has suggestions for supporting a victim:
Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault
https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault

These two should help.

Psychology Today has some coping resources for sexual assault survivors, optional for your friend.
It came out just post Kavanaugh hearing. (YUCK on that creep)
6 Coping Tools for Sexual Assault Survivors
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201809/6-coping-tools-sexual-assault-survivors

That's the best thing to say. Be available to chat if they want or provide a distraction if they want to. Let them lead the way.

Don't ask "how are you"...because you might not be prepared for what you hear.

(I'm speaking from the perspective of a husband who lost his wife to cancer. I felt the need to train friends on how to talk to me.)

I found the people at my local center to be incredibly helpful after it happened to me.

Like any group, it really depends on the individual. The above info is a fantastic jumping off point. You know your friend. How do you think she would want you to respond?

I can say too, sometimes, we just need someone to sit with us and not say a damn word. Just be with us.

Listen, and provide tea.

When she's ready, help her be empowered. Take a self-defense class or two. Go with her. I got away from a guy that attacked me when I was out for a run years ago. I testified in court, got interviewed on TV, and helped organize for the county police dept. to hold a self-defense class.

Sending healing thoughts to your friend.

Last edited Mon Aug 25, 2025, 07:58 AM - Edit history (1)

I know this thread’s a bit old, but I kept thinking about it. What your friend went through is horrific, and it really stuck with me how you said she put up a helluva fight. That kind of strength doesn’t always get talked about enough.

Someone earlier mentioned looking into resources, and I wanted to add this in case it helps down the line: https://federal-lawyer.com/injury-lawsuit/sex-abuse/uber/. It’s technically about Uber, but it explains how survivors assaulted on the job, especially when alone or during night shifts, might explore legal options beyond criminal charges. I know it won’t undo what happened, but sometimes knowing there’s a civil route too can be part of feeling empowered again.

She went ahead with her stage part even though she was bruised.

Her job never allows just one person at a time to be at work. She arrived a few minutes before her colleague and opened the store anyway. (Her colleague may have been late for work). She thought the attacker was there to rob her. The store has been robbed in the past, and they never publicize it, to prevent copycats.

The store was very decent and protective of her. So were her coworkers. I thought she should have sued the carnival for not vetting their workers more carefully. She has moved on. We live in a small community. Her support here has been heartening.