Unfortunately More Writing

I should be working on a paper right now. Nothing I ever do outside my narrow field of hard science will ever lead to an income and it invariably feels icky.

I have mixed feelings about writing as you reveal a lot about yourself when you write and that is not who I am.

But society is increasingly making life so detestably difficult that I cannot check out entirely.

I rarely feel represented by people I see out there because even when I find them relatable, they are out there.

There is nothing I hate as much as crowds. I always hated socializing. Not because people are cruel or mean, but because I find it draining.
It is not a 100%. I am mercurial enough that sometimes in safe places where no one is paying attention to one, you get interested in innocuous people.

I suspect I am a misanthrope a lot and it is nice to sometimes find counter examples. That was something about my postdoctoral lab I remember.

I remember thinking with some surprise “Hey I actually like these people. It isn’t a punishment to be around them.”

And it was a science lab and very focused on science so it was really about science. But they made science fun.

There is something wrong with even rigorous and decent academic science since most of my favorite coworkers left science finding it simply too demanding in ott ways. This was publicly funded civilian science.

And looking at society today I fail to see how having nothing exist but Google, Facebook, Microsoft and a bunch of spooky, creepy Alex Pentlands, Ben Wabers, Aaron Elkinses, Kosinskis, Rosalind Picards, V. S. Ramachandrans, Rana Al Khaloubis has been good for society broadly.

It clearly leads to a maniacally stupid worldview regarding how science, intelligence and humans work and think.

I am filing serious complaints about everything I saw where I live and about my last workplace, which was in every way hostile to the average honest employee.

If you are a fish in water at that place you are a creep (male) or a sleazebag (female). That’s sexist! I have assigned traditional gender roles! Women can be creeps too! Seriously fuck off.. The Ghislaine Maxwells that work in those people’s circles are actually really rare and they would know it if any decent woman actually would be anything but an abductee labelled insane. I tried to leave in a month in alarm. I will rewrite it all.

Men can be sleazebags too! That is kind of implicit in creep. I am a sociologist now!!!

This is unviable though. And I am going to the police about what I have seen locally. I am of Indian origin (nominally Hindu, but really just blah. My grandparents tried to instill some culture in me many a moons back and then gave up finding it simply too uphill).

I live in an undisclosed location in the global south - a shitty, communist run state. It is a cool place mostly but the specific shit I am dealing with is unambigously creepy and corrupt and cannot be normalized in a place where gangrapes, acid attacks, routine sexual harassment are common. These are dishonest, archaic, ugly and creepy ideas and worldviews.

I would like to remain obscure and anonymous as I can. I am dealing with a “Straw Dogs” situation since I am not very entitled and I know was an outlier in the extent to which I find other humans unrelatable.

For all that, some things I am a stickler about - such as what you owe to other humans - would be universal if people (except creeps, sleazebags, grifters, polluters, billionaires etc.) understood. My preferred mode of communication is plain text. So I have to convey what can be conveyed without continuous media which I eschew.


I apologize for talking about myself so much, but it is unavoidable, not narcissism. When a human has a lens on society and is trying to communicate something vague enough as it lies in these gray areas of what is meum v tuum, who they are becomes important if they want to get traction wrt a minimally decent social contract for the type of people who increasingly seem to be sidelined by a type of left and the right, because we don’t have large communities nor socialise. These are ridiculous expectations that except billionaires with bunkers - that people should just endure having disgusting technologies forced on them or be intimidated by the kinds of vile large crowds of unknown and unwanted humans swarm their streets coercing them with displays of assholery not anything else. I am filing criminal harassment charges locally.

I am beyond disgusted by what I have seen.
Btw I have never studied Latin, but I picked that up from Richmal Crompton’s “William” books.

I have rarely communicated willingly I can now see. But then people make decisions for you and I don’t want the isolated, solitary civilized woman to go the way of the Dodo. Oddly that would not serve even most men. Not even conservative ones. Unless you want an endless inquisition for every innocuous triviality or to have some “activists” etc forced on you rather than have the state do its goddamn duty by the average human.

One of my favorite writers/journalists is Yasha Levine. I love the guy. I don’t know him, but he rescued my humanity at a time when I was embittered. Yasha is who I consider elite, not some professor in some shitty Stanford or MIT humanities dept who makes everything unrelatable to anyone outside some sort of cult. The constant policing of language, jokes and censorship that liability obsessed cultures shill as “safe” is bullshit. Now with constant bs about ai used to enforce it. If your shitty agents and llms scrape the web, that is on you not on people who have to now conform.
This isn’t that “free speech” shit in its most bullshitty form. This is common sense.


All that other crap did help the modern right. Lucien Greaves gets it. It cannot be wished away however much people who like that stuff want to. Because it shows a genuine lack of connection with anyone outside a goddamn cult. I will be expanding on some of these themes because it affected me directly and this warped perception of reality the net leads to is damaging to everyone.
Left or feminist (a misunderstood and maligned word associated with a type of internet left I avoid ffs) doesn’t mean perpetually offended and obnoxious. At its core all it means is that don’t treat women as second class citizens. Which is what this was and is about. I never policed anyone. But now I am going to the police about all the people local to me in this shitty communist state in the global south where misogynists and creeps have swarmed my street.

Excessive use of jargon in the humanities misses the point.
You cannot avoid it in the hard sciences. In fact I have the opposite issue with the hard sciences where a form of communication I detest is “communicating with the lay person” that seems to assume the lay person is a daft child. “Think of a cupcake. What are the physics of a cupcake?” No I won’t think of a cupcake damn you. Get to the bloody point.

You have to have more faith in the intelligence of your fellow humans or it is a self-fulfilling prophecy - the Idiocracy. It is true that in this society people are afraid to display intelligence as anything could set off some nutjob on the net and the right gets that and games it.

I am not conservative so I don’t really pay attention to the right beyond - yeah that looks crazy.

But society should not be a vapid monoculture of only one type of person. I don’t have a problem with conservatives. I just wish they would be less crazy sometimes.

Way back in the day, DU had an “Ask Auntie Pinko” column and in the FAQ, one of the questions was along the lines of do you hate conservatives or something like that.

And the answer was very reasonable. It was along the lines that differences of opinion will exist, but the current GOP is too crazy. Which is true.
My dad is kinda conservative. But he is also pretty feminist without knowing it. He is shocked at the thought of any maltreatment of women. Yeah his language and jokes etc would get him ..I am glad he doesn’t use social media.
But he is a decent man in every way and the material parts of being decent to other people he has always done.

It is from him that left as I am, I get my penchant for swearing like a sailor. I don’t do it in front of him and he usually catches himself if he is too foul-mouthed around me.

I am careful in my position as I am not American. I will never be American, though I have friendly feelings towards a more traditional and classical type of Americanism that was common prior to Facebook and Google where the average person had this unassailable expectation of democracy (which was also the norm in India where I grew up).

The type of left I find most counter productive chimes in usually there with “But you were privileged!” That’s fucking stupid. Reducing everyone to the shittiest circumstances is not the path to equality. It savors more of envy and of misery loving company.
I could not have said these things without the “permission” I got from Yasha Levine to say things this idiotic society considers controversial. Because it is not saying controversial things or swearing that define something. It is the person as a whole.

Sometimes the “privileged” are friends of the worse off.

I see so much parroting of truisms left or right.
It is not surprising to me that in this environment a poisonous right that blends political incorrectness with deeply malicious worldviews prevails against a left that keeps reaching for the Dictionary of Language that Will Not Offend the Dumbest and Most Disingenuous Dickheads on the Net.
If it is about hurting feelings, what hurts people’s feelings is mostly being treated contemptuously or like a child.

Sure politicians, celebrities, public figures - that is a different class of human. Who knows what those people are like. They are not you or I.

This is a political forum and I wouldn’t post except in a left forum, but it is mainly Dave. He is the reason I post here because I trust Dave (and elad) at a time when I don’t trust a lot. And it makes me uneasy sometimes as I trust Dave because he is one of us and even those of us who are surviving are embattled. It is kind of DU to have me around.
But by now I have become socialized to think that unless it is polite nothings or kayfabe, unpopular people who are unscripted are a drain on society. That cannot possibly be right.

I don’t understand this tendency to have a fully formed stale prediction about the future and at increasingly insane times.
That was a gift from my creepy former workplace and the types of people and things since.
I am fortunately not financially embattled, but if I don’t have any mental issues and never did, the constant strain of the life I was forced to lead and continue to lead has strained me to the hilt.

But this shocking, invasive and encroaching way of life that for-profit, industrial corporations (one of Prof David Golumbia’s pieces of writing reminded me that the word corporations can apply to other entities) have forced in without any real counter from the state in the U.S., India or where I currently reside (which is undisclosed - I am going to the police and the courts because this is not an open world game or the internet - my street or home. And I don’t want a bogus sop. The people who agree to turn our homes and streets into slums do not exclusively represent all of society. This is a tipping point and I won’t be forced anymore).

I am not suing for money. But this is unviable and I am taking it to court. I am young enough, healthy enough that at least wrt my home and street in India I can expect to win. Because if I don’t that would be dire. This should never have happened.

It was grooming to get socialized to accept a creepy Panopticon and it is shameful that with all the stories of sexual harassment out there, a woman cannot make a simple point about how creepy it is that all sorts of unknown men have access who claim it is all bots and not human creeps and invasive unwanted tech, without so called educated people calling her paranoid and testing her etc. And the solution is not more heavy surveillance, but never anything I could consider honest oversight.
Most of this will have to be trashed and taken to the police and courts.
They overtly ban the “two-finger test” for rape. But find this backdoor route to assailing female complainants and invalidating simple points.

I don’t hate men. I don’t file false allegations. But I reserve the right to be creeped out and not have a blatantly regressive culture of creepiness forced by people who are not even exclusively conservative.
Locally it is some unknown creeps, some of whom are certainly communists (given the geographic location) and the others who knows what.

These people were “libs” and some kind of ..whatever Google considers an an academic. With some hardcore (!!!!) brainless industrial corporatist assholes rounding out the creep and spook faction for balance I guess. Yeah that sounds representative of society as a whole once you throw in influencers, gamers, celebrities etc.

Totally fucking stupid and out of touch ways of being sleazy. If your goal is to be some kind of creepy sleazebag (which was what I mostly picked up on and it can’t be the eye of the beholder because I didn’t see that prior to 2011. I was obliviously happy the difficulties of science aside).
This is and was creepy and I am going to the police. I am a marijuana user and DIY my mental health with modafinil because the services where I live are not particularly good.

I will now in this rewrite much that I deleted. But carefully enough that I specifically cannot be found by anyone who doesn’t have expertise or access in legitimate ways.
So far this looks creepy and shady and I will need to see who was involved to make the call regarding who to file stalking and harassment allegations against locally versus the people working in a shitty environment.

I have to do the shitty, unpaid legwork of compensating for the laziest assholes ever.

I will have to work out what details to share that make one largely unidentifiable except to trusted colleagues or doctors or officials who are responsible, but not the crowd I am filing complaints against. Locally I would be shocked if it was not entirely creepy and it was the same at my last workplace in the U.S. with a few exceptions. I hated that place - a creepy grooming cult plus corporatist assholes. The latter were better. Choices!!!
No decent woman would work there. I am sure the few decent women who have hated it (I saw one girl in this corporatist prick’s lab which had this other male scientist who I knew for two weeks, who seemed like an honest scientist and not some sort of cult member. Or tortured Calvinism fan. Abductee etc. A shithole to end all shitholes. I was a huge fan. The corporatist asshole was the better choice! He wasn’t a creep. Merely an asshole. That is how low I have fallen. That as long as it is an asshole that’s still better! But that was a one-off. Most of these guys are assholes and creeps. No decent man would work in this without serious misgivings about the implicit maltreatment of women. It is not a mental illness to be creeped out by this archaic and corrupt trash. ).

I won’t put these up on my journal anymore. It is not that most people locally are not decent, but this crowd that swarmed that street is a crowd of creepy harassers and the whole thing has to be stopped and a police complaint filed.
Again you have to be backward, regressive and beyond corrupt and creepy to try to normalize these methods in a place with very serious violence against women. Someone like Deepak Chopra or V.S.Ramachandran or that creep with a holography firm who sexually harassed me in 2014 would be balanced out by callous jerks who consider the whole thing a joke.

I will continue to swear, joke and lead a normal life as a woman who has never been a sleazy girlboss or someone who is so insecure they veil themselves and are neurotic or a tradwife afraid of men and the outside. But that works when you also have the sense and sanity to report actual creeps and pushback hard against systems truly laying waste to women’s rights.
That’s the distinction between being a girlboss who normalizes creepy male behavior vs a woman who doesn’t need the world childproofed but won’t be forced. It is the crowds that really mess with my head as someone who feels like an outlier in this barbaric society as is. I am going to the police and not accepting that each new creepy wave of normalizing a further descent into madness is okay.