Fake pretentious origin stories

The sand was something the sea pushed up from its depths
of Vulcanic furnaces deep within the Earths smoldering core creating land/ and
mimicking the stars in the distant skies from where the Earth comes from,
creating life on land similar to that in the sea yet with far different constraints,
requiring a different composition of atmospheres.

And the Earth was such a jealous fool, and it needed to create something so new as to never be recreated again, so much so as to be thought about as the one and only that ever could be or ever was.

Yet it wasn't.
Far from it.

She was unique and that much is for sure, yet her progeny was but an epoch that transcends the understanding of her inhabitants, mere unfocused animal, unaware for their own sake, lost, relics just like your crazy old uncle Bob always said, liberal communist,
all think it's about them, when it really just ain't.

No, the Earth is a highly technical invention that was created with low taxes, and little governmental interaction.
Think of it as the free market, the Chicago School Milton Freeman Capitalist arm of liassez faire created by Adam Smith when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and were rode by the founders of America, the home of the free.

GW was a prokaryote no doubt and he emerged 2 thousand years ago to fight the Brits, and they battled on dinosaurs made of wood back then.

Before the advent of American Cheese. The best damn cheese there ever were and you know its true.

Truth, hence the very name, Kraft, single wrapped slices, accept no less!