Dear Papa Donald (Dripping with Sarcasm)

Dear Papa Donald,

I was watching my favorite news channel some weeks ago when they announced that you told Walmart that they better not pass on the tariffs to their customers by raising their prices.
I bought a 2 pound bag of Eight O'Clock Bean Coffee two weeks ago and the cost was right around $14. I went back today and the very same brand is now $17.87 for the 2 pound bag.
Please fix this by ruthlessly punishing these greedy bastards who are lining their pockets using you as their excuse. Please make your punishment swift and severe, maybe even requiring Walmart to pay an extra 20% in taxes until they stop using you to rob your hard working voters.
The way you stood up for me and millions of your voters filled me with pride, I've been beaming knowing as soon as you see this letter, Walmart will have hell to pay,
God bless you for delivering on all your promises, as I am certain that this will be but another example of how wonderfully you look out for the little guy.
GIVEM' HELL DONALD
Sincerely,
Your biggest Sucker, err uhm I mean fan