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Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 09:18 AM Sep 6

Reading Dear Abby today

I learned that I'm aging in place. Here I thought I just didn't want to move, but I'm actually in charge of my golden age! When my Mom lived with us, we added some safety features and removed fall hazards, so I'm ahead of the game.

In other news, I've decided to think of my house as a work of art. Each array of clutter, each unfinished project, each stuffed closet, each room, is an interactive and vivid statement of a life if not tidy, at least well-lived.

These insights have elevated my mood to the point that I don't care if I win the Power Ball jackpot or not!

Happy Saturday, my friends!

45 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Reading Dear Abby today (Original Post) Marthe48 Sep 6 OP
We've become engaged in de-acquisitioning our "art". The kids seem to have no taste for that 'art' ... marble falls Sep 6 #1
I was doing that same reason Marthe48 Sep 6 #2
Put a reasonable price on it. Let them bargain you down. The more you engage the sucke ... bargain hunters ... marble falls Sep 6 #3
We're confident BOSSHOG Sep 6 #16
Not many of us so prescient in our choices as yourselves! marble falls Sep 6 #28
I started collecting when I was 8 Marthe48 Sep 6 #30
I wrote a book just for folks like you Marthe48! nt Trueblue Texan Sep 6 #4
I use breakfast to relieve any frustration and disappointment AnnaLee Sep 6 #5
haventt heard that byline in ages . :) i agree with u. AllaN01Bear Sep 6 #6
I read Dear Abby and Miss Manners every day Marthe48 Sep 6 #7
Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey, my fountain pen leaks Martin Eden Sep 6 #8
Dear Martin, Dear Martin, you have no complaint. You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't. Midnight Writer Sep 6 #21
So listen up buster, and listen up good Martin Eden Sep 6 #25
Thank you.. homegirl Sep 6 #9
We took a downsizing class when we moved from our big house to a condo. OMGWTF Sep 6 #11
Lightening is great if it is for you. pat_k Sep 7 #43
Please work on culling your possesions IbogaProject Sep 6 #10
Long story short Marthe48 Sep 6 #14
Know how you feel.. homegirl Sep 6 #26
Good, aging in place is the best IbogaProject Sep 6 #31
No need to "get back on the horse" pat_k Sep 7 #44
Thank you pat_k Marthe48 Sep 7 #45
There's a Swedish death cleaning group on Facebook radical noodle Sep 6 #24
I stopped buying, accepting things Marthe48 Sep 6 #27
I have, too. VERY difficult, but it finally took. marble falls Sep 6 #29
I only buy if something similar is going to be donated elsewhere radical noodle Sep 6 #42
You really made me smile! You have quite the way with words. Please continue to share your musings and advice! MLAA Sep 6 #12
Thanks for the kind words Marthe48 Sep 6 #32
I'll be 79 in a month, and I don't live a tidy life either. But it's well enough lived as is. patphil Sep 6 #13
Thank you patphil! Marthe48 Sep 6 #15
I feel the same way about our house. It is comforting and comfortable being surrounded by a lifetime of Martin68 Sep 6 #17
You realize, of course, that Abby, Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jeanne Phillips) died in 2013, usonian Sep 6 #18
I laughed at your post Marthe48 Sep 6 #20
Mission Accomplished. usonian Sep 6 #22
Yes, Jeanne Phillips is the current Dear Abby, not the original one. ShazzieB Sep 6 #33
I tried others Marthe48 Sep 6 #34
Two of the all time best, imo, are Carolyn Hax and Captain Awkward. ShazzieB Sep 6 #36
Try UExpress Marthe48 Sep 6 #37
Thanks, ill check that out! ShazzieB Sep 6 #39
And Pauline's sister Esther soldierant Sep 6 #35
I read Ann Landers before I read Abby Marthe48 Sep 6 #38
On est bien la. GoneOffShore Sep 6 #19
Well, I hope you do win! JTOL Sep 6 #23
I loved Dear Abby and Ann Landers Skittles Sep 6 #40
What a joyful post Ruby the Liberal Sep 6 #41

marble falls

(68,522 posts)
1. We've become engaged in de-acquisitioning our "art". The kids seem to have no taste for that 'art' ...
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 09:22 AM
Sep 6

... the philistines!

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
2. I was doing that same reason
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 09:29 AM
Sep 6

But I think I'll put a sign up outside touting Whole House Art, a tour of the beauty of life. And charge admission! I might never put declutter on my chore list again! lol

marble falls

(68,522 posts)
3. Put a reasonable price on it. Let them bargain you down. The more you engage the sucke ... bargain hunters ...
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 09:32 AM
Sep 6

... the more you sell!

BOSSHOG

(43,672 posts)
16. We're confident
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:20 AM
Sep 6

Our New Orleans and Mardi Gras Art will find homes when the time comes but not until. They come alive once again every morning I see them as if for the first time.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
30. I started collecting when I was 8
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 02:30 PM
Sep 6

We lived with my grandmother, my Dad's mother. I'd get stuff out of the cupboards and take them to my room. They kept everything, so there were some nice old things tucked away.

I've ended up with some wonderful things, and I'm sure if the kids auction the contents, they will be glad I didn't donate to the bare walls







AnnaLee

(1,304 posts)
5. I use breakfast to relieve any frustration and disappointment
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 09:53 AM
Sep 6

that I, once again, woke up this morning still alive and facing another day. So I pulled out of the freezer the McDonald's strawberry shake I ordered at drive thru day before yesterday and had it for breakfast. Made everything a little bit better.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
7. I read Dear Abby and Miss Manners every day
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:04 AM
Sep 6

On UExpress

Even though the current Dear Abby is Jeanne Phillips, grandmother of dean phillips.

Martin Eden

(14,881 posts)
8. Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey, my fountain pen leaks
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:11 AM
Sep 6

My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks

(thanks for making me think of John Prine this morning)

Midnight Writer

(24,708 posts)
21. Dear Martin, Dear Martin, you have no complaint. You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 12:14 PM
Sep 6

homegirl

(1,851 posts)
9. Thank you..
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:28 AM
Sep 6

for sharing. After a lifetime of acquisition it is time to sort, discard, designate future recipients, and to clear out the clutter. I received the unexpected gift of a great niece staying with me for a week, she insisted on supervising the clean out of that second car space in the garage! WOW! Has given me the incentive to tackle stored items, just a bit at a time! Feels good!

No timeline and no pressure!

OMGWTF

(4,903 posts)
11. We took a downsizing class when we moved from our big house to a condo.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:57 AM
Sep 6

The big takeaway: Don’t haunt your family with your junk from the grave. Get rid of the junk and take a photo of things as a memory. I’ve had friends who had to clean out their parents’ houses and it was a nightmare.

pat_k

(11,755 posts)
43. Lightening is great if it is for you.
Sun Sep 7, 2025, 12:29 AM
Sep 7

If not motivated to on your own behalf, leave things be.

Since my mother's death, my step-father has been kicking himself for not doing enough to clear out "so you don't have to."

If he wants to lighten up for himself, great. But I would so much prefer he relax and step pressuring himself. He refuses help, so I just end up feeling crappy that he is seemingly torturing himself "on my account." I try to explain that witnessing how hard he is being on himself is causing me far more pain in the present than anything I would need to deal with as executer.

Something more is going on and I'm at a bit of a loss.

IbogaProject

(4,966 posts)
10. Please work on culling your possesions
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:33 AM
Sep 6

Not to do without but to be mindful of anyone coming after you. The Swedish have a formal practice that might be more Detailed. döstädning

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
14. Long story short
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:11 AM
Sep 6

I've been downsizing since 2014. I had a booth for 18 months. Even though it was a good way to sell things I didn't want, I closed it to protest the results of the last election. With the idea that I won't support felon and his base in any way.

Anyway, I've still got a lot of stuff, and I've been bogged down with getting rid of it. My insight today really cheered me up, and while I'll get back on the horse, I needed an emotional break from the unhappy rut I'm in. So refreshing to have a different viewpoint, even for a little while.



homegirl

(1,851 posts)
26. Know how you feel..
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 12:49 PM
Sep 6

but I reviewed my life from the beginning. Born middle of the Great Depression, childhood to age 10 dominated by WW2. Sadly, missed the hippy era, JFK, MLK and RFK assassinations, Kent State and the ultimate horror- Donald J. Trump. So, the really bad part it turns out begins with DJT. Other than that I have lived in the Golden Age of the USA.

IbogaProject

(4,966 posts)
31. Good, aging in place is the best
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 02:31 PM
Sep 6

It is more affordable and the senior health plans will increase the supports for as long as it is feasable to keep someone in their home.

pat_k

(11,755 posts)
44. No need to "get back on the horse"
Sun Sep 7, 2025, 12:32 AM
Sep 7

...unless you are doing it for you, and no one else.

radical noodle

(10,401 posts)
24. There's a Swedish death cleaning group on Facebook
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 12:24 PM
Sep 6

that I follow. I was one who had to deal with piles of "treasures" to go through after the deaths of relatives. I came up with my own solutions at the time but this group helps keep me from acquiring more stuff.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
27. I stopped buying, accepting things
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 01:02 PM
Sep 6

If I want to tame the acquisition bug, I just unpack a box.

radical noodle

(10,401 posts)
42. I only buy if something similar is going to be donated elsewhere
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:01 PM
Sep 6

The gifts are still my downfall. I accept these gifts with the love with which they were given, then wonder where I will put them.

MLAA

(19,478 posts)
12. You really made me smile! You have quite the way with words. Please continue to share your musings and advice!
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 10:58 AM
Sep 6

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
32. Thanks for the kind words
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 02:37 PM
Sep 6

I haven't felt this good for awhile. Glad it reflected in my post!

patphil

(8,255 posts)
13. I'll be 79 in a month, and I don't live a tidy life either. But it's well enough lived as is.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:08 AM
Sep 6

And I certainly don't care if I won that 1.7 billion dollar Power Ball jackpot. Give me a 6 million dollar Lotto win and I'd be quite satisfied.
Living in place is fine, but my wife and I will probably have to move to a single story house soon. It's the stairs that concern us.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
15. Thank you patphil!
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:16 AM
Sep 6

I played Power ball for the first time in over a year, enjoying fantasizing about winning. Actually, thinking about winning a big jackpot led me to the idea of calling my house a work of art. If I won that kind of money, I would still like my house, but I wouldn't be here lol

If I want to stay here after stairs become a problem, all i have to do is get a washer/dryer installed on the main floor. Then I can nail the basement shut and pretend it isn't there!

Martin68

(26,458 posts)
17. I feel the same way about our house. It is comforting and comfortable being surrounded by a lifetime of
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:34 AM
Sep 6

memories.

usonian

(20,480 posts)
18. You realize, of course, that Abby, Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jeanne Phillips) died in 2013,
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 11:36 AM
Sep 6

and you are getting messages from beyond (or her successors).

Well, if your house is a work of art, my place is the freaking Louvre!!

IN 1000 PIECES

That said, I've been living alone in a 3 bedroom place with 7 acres of steep land to care for, and it's really time to move near family and stores and services, less the 50 mile drive. It's pretty clear what I haven't used in 10 years, and will never use (heck, I'm 76.5) so downsizing is mostly logical, but tedious.

I found electronic versions of a few hundred pounds of books that I had paid for, so that helps. There may be a whole lot of "little libraries" showing up soon.

I took a lot of personal abuse, when I was married (ahem), about my possessions, but a great deal were and are, things with utilitarian value, for when things break and go wrong, and stores are closed. Now, I can make decisions based just on logic. The router wasn't "junk" when it helped me repair the cap on the back fence. (but was considered junk soon thereafter)



P.S. If you think about stuff as "trip hazards" and not "clutter", it helps.
P.P.S. When in the thrift store, I snap photos of cool and funky objects, rather than buying them. Logical!

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
20. I laughed at your post
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 12:04 PM
Sep 6

And enjoyed your comments, esp. the Louvre jigsaw puzzle.

I was sure I was reading Jeanne Phillips and checked. Her mother Pauline (original Dear Abby) passed away in 2013. Jeanne Phillips, her daughter, is still alive, at age 82 or 83 (b. 1942)

usonian

(20,480 posts)
22. Mission Accomplished.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 12:15 PM
Sep 6

Starting the day with a chuckle always helps.

A chuckle shared is a chuckle doubled (or tripled or even more!)

Best wishes and best of luck.

ShazzieB

(21,602 posts)
33. Yes, Jeanne Phillips is the current Dear Abby, not the original one.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 04:11 PM
Sep 6

She is still writing the column, as far as I know. I stopped following it a long time ago, as I found other advice columnists whose style I enjoy more, but both Abbys, mother and daughter, have done good work.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
34. I tried others
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 04:21 PM
Sep 6

Some of the other columns have a harsh tone to their replies. Dear Abby rarely has that edge, although I often wonder how they writers arrive at their advice. I like Miss Manners because sometimes, I learn more about social customs and whether they are still observed or retired.

ShazzieB

(21,602 posts)
36. Two of the all time best, imo, are Carolyn Hax and Captain Awkward.
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 05:27 PM
Sep 6

Hax was the main reason I dragged my feet about canceling my WaPo subscription for as long as I did, but financial pressures finally won out. Fortunately, the Captain is still available on line for free, although she hasn't been very active for a while.

Slate has a wide array of advice columns these days. They vary in style and quality, and I like some of them a lot more than others, but there's always interesting stuff there. I'm also a big fan of Alison Green at askamanager.com. AAM is technically a workplace advice column, but many of the issues raised are applicable to getting along with other humans in a variety of contexts, and the comment section is the best.

soldierant

(8,941 posts)
35. And Pauline's sister Esther
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 05:13 PM
Sep 6

(and I want to say twin sister but I'm not 100% sure) was Ann Landers.

Pauline (Popo) was named Pauline Esther, and Esther (Eppie) was named Esther Pauline - which suggests they were twins, but isn't conclusive.

Marthe48

(21,797 posts)
38. I read Ann Landers before I read Abby
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 06:16 PM
Sep 6

I started reading the advice columns when I was in grade school. They helped me understand human behavior. Still help.

Skittles

(167,399 posts)
40. I loved Dear Abby and Ann Landers
Sat Sep 6, 2025, 08:19 PM
Sep 6

I give a lot of credit to those gals, I feel like a lot of their good advice rubbed off on me

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