If the Dark Lord Sauron ran Mordor's 24-hour cable news network, the chyron (the text overlay banner at the bottom of the TV screen) would have some truly incredible breaking news updates.

Here is what the Mount Doom Broadcasting Network (MDBN) feed might look like during the late Third Age:

[LIVE] [11:59 PM] ─── ORODRUIN WEATHER: 850°F / ASH SHOWERS / ACCUMULATION UP TO 4 INCHES ───
🚨 BREAKING NEWS
MINAS MORGUL: WITCH-KING CONFIRMS "THE RIDER IN WHITE" IS IN FACT THAT OLD MAN ON THE DONKEY • BARAD-DÛR: EYE OF SAURON SPOTS UNLICENSED INFANTRY IN ORE-FIELDS; MASS FLOGGING SCHEDULED FOR 0600 • UDÛN VALLEY: MEAT IS BACK ON THE MENU FOR THE THIRD CONSECUTIVE SEMESTER

📈 MARKET WATCH
▲ GROND INDUSTRIES (+14.2%) | ▼ ROHAN HORSE BREEDERS (-98.1%) | ▲ MITHRIL FUTURES (+44.0%)
LATEST UPDATES
SECURITY ALERT: Border Patrol reports two "unusually small, heavily cloaked intruders" bypassing the Cirith Ungol checkpoint. Citizens are urged to report any sudden local disappearances or unexplainable glowing swords.

MILITARY DIRECTIVE: Reminder to all Captains: Orcs and Uruk-hai are strictly prohibited from settling internal HR disputes via lethal blade combat until after the Siege of Gondor is concluded.

LEGAL TROUBLES: Local Shelob defense attorney claims "trespassing halflings" provoked the web-spinning incident; calls for immediate dismissal of all cocooning charges.

[COMING UP NEXT] ─── 'THE RE-FORGING HOUR': ARE THOSE ELVISH RIN