Salivating Brewers Fans Chase Down Mascots In Sausage Race

Costumed Runners Pursued By Frenzied Mob Hungry For Meat



MILWAUKEE—Climbing down from the stands with mustard and ketchup packets clutched in their fists, dozens of rabid, salivating Milwaukee Brewers fans reportedly chased down the contestants in the traditional Johnsonville Sausage Race midway through Tuesday’s game.

“They took after those sausages like a pack of wolves,” said Brewers outfielder Brandon Lockridge, recalling the unmistakable look of fear in the eyes of the last-place bratwurst as ravenous fans huffed closely behind shouting, “Get the brat!” and “Slow down, you mouthwatering fuck!”

“I’ve never seen big dudes like that run so fast. You could tell they were really hungry.”

Sources confirmed the mob came within feet of tackling the Polish sausage before they collapsed in exhaustion and spent the remaining innings dry-heaving behind home plate.

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