Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Christmas Eggnog!

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Christmas Eggnog!
Winter is coming...
Matthew Hooper
Nov 14, 2025

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Yeah, the light’s funny behind the bar. Sorry.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I hate to admit it, but the Christmas season has started. We’ve published the holiday menu at Hemingway’s. Mariah Carey has been freed from her frozen eldritch prison. But there is one good thing about the season kicking off: It’s time to make the eggnog. If you make it right now, it’ll be perfect for Christmastime — assuming it lasts that long in the fridge. Here’s the recipe.

Happy Christmas! It’s time to
Eggnog

1 cup whole milk

¾ cup half and half

¾ cup heavy cream

¾ cup sugar

4 egg yolks

4 oz Buffalo Trace bourbon

3 oz Appleton Estate rum

⅓ t fresh nutmeg

Pinch sea salt

Combine the sugar, nutmeg, and egg yolks in a bowl and whisk until the mixture is a lemon yellow color and comes off the whisk in a thick ribbon. Add remaining ingredients. Sitr well. Pour into a sealable bottle and refrigerate for 2 weeks for best results (although the eggnog is drinkable immediately).

Serve in 6 oz portions in a small rocks glass, with a fresh nutmeg garnish.

This eggnog is inspired by Alton Brown’s amazing Aged Eggnog recipe. I’ve published that recipe before somewhat religiously, but experience has taught me that Alton’s recipe is a touch boozier than most people like. I’ve also reworked the proportions. This recipe yields roughly 750ml, enough to fit in a used wine bottle. (If you don’t have a used wine bottle … well, get cracking. It’s the holidays. You know what to do.)

Alton also claimed that aging this eggnog “a month would be better, and two better still. In fact, there’s nothing that says you couldn’t age it a year, but I’ve just never been able to wait that long. And yes, you can also drink it right away.” Some experimentation by more restrained bartenders, including your truly, has proven that 90 days is the maximum this eggnog can go before degrading in quality. After that, aluminum notes find their way into the drink, and the booze overwhelms the other flavors in the cocktail. Start your eggnog now, and it’ll be at its peak when Christmas arrives.

“Eggnog” has been around for a very long time, but the earliest recipes don’t bear much resemblance to the drink we love today. There is a rumor that George Washington served a ferociously boozy version, but no records of such a recipe exist. Considering Washington’s tolerance for alcohol, I wouldn’t put it past him. (Remind me to come back and revisit the anarchy that’s Fish House Punch before the midterms. We need it.) The alcohol content in eggnog has varied considerably over the decades. Sherry, apple brandy, and flat-out moonshine have all made their way into the mix. I’m convinced that Jamaican rum is the best booze for eggnog, but bourbon also works very well — and honestly, anything with “Buffalo Trace” on the menu sells at Hemingway’s. No reason not to incorporate it into this drink.

Let’s talk ingredients:

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The mantlepiece is an antique. The roaring fire is YouTube.

Dairy: Alton puts a ton of milkfat into his eggnog, which is entirely appropriate. Eggnog should be a decadent indulgence. If you want a thinner eggnog, replace some of the heavy cream with whole milk. I plan to shake my eggnog with ice before service, which should make it a touch thinner and frothier.

Sugar: I don’t think you’ll get the chemical reaction between eggs and sugar using a sugar substitute in this recipe. Feel free to experiment, but egg yolks and sugar interact in some fairly specific ways that I don’t think will happen with Splenda or another substitute. The yolks and sugar emulsify in a way that adds a rich, silky mouthfeel to eggnog that can’t be duplicated.

Egg Yolks: Don’t be afraid of using raw eggs in this recipe. If you don’t let the eggnog sit at room temperature, you should be fine. If you want to play it safe, use pasteurized eggs for this recipe, but I’m confident that ordinary eggs will be safe if you refrigerate your nog correctly.

Buffalo Trace Bourbon: I’m not particularly picky about the bourbon you use — Jim Beam would be fine. Buffalo Trace sells like crazy at Hemingway’s, so we use it liberally in our cocktails. Bourbon is in serious trouble in the US right now; there’s a huge glut of booze out there, in between softening demand for spirits and tariffs destroying the Canadian market. If you’ve got a favorite whiskey, buy it now before it’s gone.

Appleton Estate Rum: Jamaican rum is perfect for eggnog. The light tropical notes of this spirit balance against the heaviness of the custard wonderfully. I love a Demerara rum for sipping at home after a shift, but I’ll always want a Jamaican rum for this recipe.

Nutmeg: Use fresh. Preground nutmeg is sawdust. Don’t bother if you can’t get the real thing.

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