Well, I survived the Mental Health interview with a Social Security Psychologist
After almost an hour, she stated she would send a diagnosis of PTSD and Chronic Major Depressive Disorder.
I knew the first one, as I've been dealing with triggers all my life. The second makes sense if you lump my anxiety, my daily sense of impending doom, my fear of physical intimacy and of course my expectations of failure.
I am really trying to be positive about how this went, and I pray that this more or less clinches my case as these issues burden me above and beyond the physical issues with my back etc...
I write this to let you know that I really really appreciate your support and friendships, as my Good morning messages, even if on some days they may lack in poetic magic lol, is very therapeutic and almost necessary for me as every day as some of you surely know, is a struggle when trying to stay afloat, much less live with some joy.
Thank you for your responses every morning, as again, you keep me from isolating further and deeper. To thank you even more, living in fundamental isolation makes each of you an integral part of alot of people's support systems, not just mine. Please know that extra kind word, that encouraging emoji, that hug that seems so trite, is real to many of us.
There are many times when I won't answer a post because someone has already expressed my thoughts, I will try harder as someone elses words can't necessarily carry my voice or vice versa.
Finding ways to practice love is probably the single most important step I can take on any given day for my mental health, and, to support those that I hear and understand.
Please forgive my rambling but know my heart is filled with gratitude for the daily affirmations that people like Emile, DebM55, Wordstroken, OmahaSteve, Scrivener7, Nanuke, Niagara, CloudsPassing, LoisB, and countless others offer through their own posts as well as the love that flows from your responses to others.
SampleGirl with your beautiful water colors, CaliforniaPeggy with all the torturous images of food from farmers markets, BoZarts with their amazing nature photos and on and on. Please know I've named but a few of you that help form the fabric of our DU family. I read :The Greatest Salesman in the world by Og Mandino as a teenager and it was so powerful then that the lessons enclosed have only been reinforced over and over again since.
Please know that you all are a treasure that I hold dear and cherish as you have offered family style support in ways my family never has.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank your for all you do, silently, freely, and so generously that there can be no other expression than " You've Loved Me, and So Many Others" in your words and deeds.
Love, John
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And I'm very touched that you have put me in that amazing company of names in your post. Thank you.
I consider you in the E.F. Hutton class of DUers lol, when you talk, people listen.
Your existence here is about the journey.
CP ☁️
Please count me among your DU friends!
Your gifts are limitless, but your ability to express your emotions through the written word are astounding!
Hugs!
and yes of course you are on that list with so many others. So many of you have offered real emotional support, never mind the financial on top of that.
Your words are there for so many every single day SheltieLover, I am but a leaf on a tree full of leaves that you water with your kindness and love every day.
I really really appreciate your loving words, and thank you ever much more for giving my words personal meaning. That's such a kind compliment.
But I do have a hug.
It's encouraging that you've had real human contact and your diagnosis was confirmed and extended to include depression.
My friend tried for SSI for a long time. Her Congressman finally helped her get it. (He is a Dem.) If you have a decent Congressman, that may be additional help.
I am rooting for you!
Big hugs
Susan
and for always generously sharing your love with our DU family. And for sharing your reference to Og Mandino’s book and his philosophy.
I’m so glad for your success today. Clearly you and Og are onto something that really works!!
Please know how much I deeply appreciate all your hard work proofing the manuscript of my up-coming medical-legal novel — and that in between your brilliant analytical feedback, I hope you are enjoying the story and its message.
Love and hugs to you and your editorial staff, Cuddles and Petunia.
❤️ 
🦋 wordstroken, Apollo, Ajax, and Minnie, who surround me as I write.
I guess that more or less explains my struggles where my energy is so present some days, and yet I feel so emotionally paralyzed most days.
You've been such a wonderful friend to me, and I feel like I don't properly communicate how much you help me with your encouragement and positive reinforcement.
To live His gift, a gift that comes from giving and the rewards that inherently come from that is such a joy. Seeing someone and serving them specifically with your heart and soul creates the most wonderful of give and takes.
To be able to do so safely, intimately and successfully requires being able to step out of ourselves, losing ourselves in that giving in a way that trusts no end result, just that it's good.
What a pure spot to be in and what joy it brings to my inner child.
