I hadn't seen his post.

A very special person with a lot going for him.

He has a lot of friends at DU.

That you are concerned about him enough to mention it says a thing or two about you, and about Lucky's standing.

I will be OK. I always am. I always pull through. I appreciate your post.

My wife reminded me today: "You're the one that people always come to for help. There's a reason for that". That made me think a bit. Maybe that's why I'm here...I don't really know. But if that is indeed the reason...I guess there are worse things.

I've had such a wonderful life, despite my complaints.

I think I wrote somewhere in my diatribe on here that I'm struggling about my family member that is suffering with extreme mental illness. I wish I could explain the situation here...I'm sure I would get some excellent advice. It's a wild story, but I won't type too much here because of concern for her privacy.

She's beautiful, well educated, kind-hearted and fluent in several languages. She is a freaking pistol, and her life cannot get any worse that it is right now. She's been in and out of one of the worst mental institutions in the country. She had to fight physically, and fight hard, to save herself inside that hellhole. There was a woman there who disliked her and would try to beat the shit out of her on a daily basis. She lost a well paying job in a major city...not because of her mental illness, but because of recent lay offs. She managed to thrive and be upwardly mobile in her career despite her illness. I'm so proud of her.

She is now living with another family member under less than ideal conditions.

Anyway, we kind of understand each other. I spent the day on my computer, trying to pave the way for her to come and live with us. Trying to figure out exactly what happened to her before I make the decision to provide her with a stable home (she had several grim, dire "incidents" ).

So in addition to many other things, this has been tearing me up inside. I am estranged from my surviving siblings, and she's my blood. I've been agonizing how to help her, and today, I decided that instead of sitting here crying about her situation, I'm going to try to help her.

Nothing is settled yet...but I'm working on it.

And in turn...she might just be able to help me become my old self.

I was diagnosed with major depression and C-PTSD about 26 years ago. It never goes away, but I manage it and keep myself alive. I go through periods of years where it seems like it is almost gone, but then it comes back. When it comes back, I type about it, even though it embarrasses the hell out of me, and it always has. The embarrassment is part of the illness.

But like today, my wife reminded me of how people depend on me, they seek me out for help, and that I am always there for them. She told me "they broke the fucking mold when you were made, and I wish you could see in yourself what others see in you". That kind of woke me up a little, and it soothes my embarrassment about being depressed.

The thing is...typing this out is the only way I can get it out. I've found that trying to tell people in real life how I feel is a lost cause. I have my spouse. She understands because her father went through the same type of thing. I loved her dad so much, and I know how he suffered.

Some day, if I live long enough, I'm going to write a book about all of this.

I appreciate your post here, thank you.

Like I say, I'm an admirer.

I am especially glad to hear you turned to your wife, and she picked you up.

That's what marriage and a love should be - it's what mine is.

Maybe it's a trivial thing, but in my marriage, I'm always humming the Cyndi Lauper song, "Time after time..."

It's been my experience.

I sounds as if in your marriage you can have the same.

It also sounds as if some of your suffering is on behalf of another person. I wouldn't expect less of you, but think no one could demand more of you either.

Thanks for being a real human being.

Thanks also for letting us know. I was worried.

Be well.