My dad collapsed on a patio outside and wasn't found for 20 minutes possibly more. They literally looked around and said "oh yeah where's Bill? "
They hadn't even noticed he had gone outside

Of course, I’m pretty mobile and young, so they might be different towards people like me.

These are run by big corporations and it's big money. They pay their staff dirt wage and hire people that are not qualified. We saw them go through three managers and in the interim there was a big lapses in communication. They lost items like his bathroom rug and clothes and his bedspread and we never saw them again.

They turn on the big TV in the big room and let people just sit there. That's kind of how they lost my dad. My sister decided that it was more important to fight with them over money than it was over care. I wish that I had been able to understand better and stand up. My dad spent a year there before he passed after mom died and I never will forgive my sister.

Your loved one’s condition is something the facility should be able to manage. In my case, the problem was dementia . It is very difficult to know if your loved one is getting the care you desire since they may not be able to relate their experiences accurately.

I would ask about staff numbers, training and turnover. Many facilities have frequent turnover, which is very difficult for the residents, especially those who cannot communicate their needs. This is a red flag

I removed my loved one from a facility based on concerns regarding the care received. It is stressful experience. Good luck

But he's handicapped and uses a walker. I'm healthy but have an arthritic lower spine that causes me to have pain after long sitting at the computer.

We have q bunch of people w walkers, few in wheelchairs. What extra care they need, if they do - idk.

Assisted living isn’t usually the place for that.

Some facilities can provide care for dementia patients through their end of life. May not be available in all regions.

and if they always have a nurse practitioner on site around the clock. I’d ask for the schedule of activities available and any field trips. My dad’s place gave a choice of using his regular doctor or using one contracted through the facility that came there on a set schedule. Some places offer transportation to drug stores, grocery stores etc. his didn’t, but did use a pharmacy that delivered all his prescriptions which the staff distributed morning and night.

Good luck!

Check with your state for the minimum requirements. You will probably find they are minimal, and far from adequate. The state minima are often set based on what can practically be provided under Medicaid billings, and that's not much.

You will probably find that AL facilities are allowed to operate with a single CNA (not even an RN) for a large number of rooms. A CNA needs a HS diploma plus a couple of months of CNA training. That's it. In comparison, an RN needs a 2-year or 4-year degree.

So definitely ask what level they staff to, and if they have any published corporate policy for staffing above the state minima.

And I would advise against a CCRC or life plan arrangement that requires an initial buy-in. Even if the buy-in is fully or partially refundable, these places change ownership so often, you could find yourself having a big legal battle to get your money back at the end. Even if there are apparent savings, I'd say stay away from that. Nowadays, most places no longer require that kind of arrangement. And also bear in mind that just because a place claims to have a range of levels (independent, assisted, memory care, and skilled nursing), that doesn't mean they are all of the same quality. A place that provides a decent IL situation may be no good at all for memory care or skilled nursing, depending on what the resident's needs become. That's another reason not to lock into a life contract.

They were able to give me the prices for a lot of the top places, but not all. I wanted to know all of them so this woman was somewhat helpful but I had to “push her. “ She only sent info on about 4 places and there’s about 20-30 of them in this area. There is usually an entrance fee that you have to pay right off the bat - in Naples, FL, it was between $2,000 - $3,000. They are pretty expensive.

Since I’m into swimming, I checked out the pool and the temperature of the water. At one place, I found the receptionist was quite bossy about the pool and said the pool was closed because it was cold out (this is SW Florida) so I asked her a bunch of questions. Apparently, you do not get a key to the pool and are under the supervision of this woman - which was a bit of a turn-off for me. I think wherever you go, the receptionist is often going to “run the show.”

Important - find out if they have storage there because there usually isn’t much room or closet space. You will want to set it up so you get a meal to see what the food is like. In the long run, it was waaay too expensive ($60,000-$80,000) so my bf and I decided against it. If you have two people, often you can get a pretty good deal by being the second person, so you don’t have to pay the whole fee. I would almost go with finding a person you can be “roommates with if you’re in a budget. One of the big things I found out was that there is a big difference between independent living, assisted living, and a nursing home. You want to make sure that they have enough assisted living beds if you need to go from independent living to assisted living. I found that there were only 10 assisted living rooms at one of the places and it was very “tucked away” and somewhat unpleasant - locked up. Then if you need a lot of care, like you end up with dementia, you would have to go to another facility that is locked - a nursing home which I found with all the places in my area. You want to make sure that they have sort of a sister facility that you can go to for that if you need to, hopefully without paying for another “entrance fee.” I googled all the assisted living places in the area and found that a “Place called Mom” didn’t even know of many homes - mostly the newer ones. I you want, I can send the info I have so you can see what these places are about and what the prices are. Keep in mind that Naples Florida is a very expensive area and these facilities are almost like country clubs.

pass out your meds? My mom wasn't taking her meds properly (i didn't see it) this is just before her parkinsons' led to dementia. The nurse put mom on the list to have meds distributed. That got us another few years of my parents living in assisted living. We had a great experience. They went all out for us. They are not going to solve all your problems. But between that and excellent, excellent health care aides my parents were able to stay together until mom died. That meant a lot to us.

most interest in dumping you if you get expensive for them.

In our area, we have lots of A.L. places because of the high population of retirees. The non-profit ones are much better. The rich go to the private ones because they advertise their fancy features over their care and attitude if your money runs out.
My aunt was in a private one and they kept her drugged up. Her brother moved her to a non-profit. They took her off the drugs. She eventually moved in with her brother and lived many more happy years.

Check to see if you can do assisted living at home. It might be less expensive and such happier for you. Our county in a MAGAt area even has an excellent department to give impartial advice on alternative choices.

My daughter was a physical therapist at one and the thing she hated worst was the employee parking lot. She said it was full of used rubbers and roaches. She hated the staff because they were not qualified just cheap hires and many were there on work visas who were paid even less.

This was at a better facility in Milwaukee. So I'm serious. If employees are out partying in their cars at night, how are the residents being cared for? What if someone falls on the way to the bathroom. Or to get a snack?

So check the employee parking lot.

I'm in an AL in The Bronx. For me a good location. Not far from a major commercial area. Ad a smaller one two blocks north of me. A useful bus stop rightb outside of here.

I think it's a good place. I'm on the younger end of old, and very mobile. We do have people w canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.

We do have a nurse ?9AM - 6PM. Doctor in once a week. You can have your own, as well. The Wellness Center is open 24/7 but not sure what's doable when the nurse isn't there. They do have a BP monitor. I think you can call 911 on your own. I should review that.

We have a social worker. An events planner.

There's a kitchen you can book time in. I don't get much extra money (with credit cards to pay off), so it'd be very modest cooking. But one day soonish - a grilled cheese at last! 😄 And my mom found a fabulous cold lentil salad for the late Spring and summer days! Maybe getting heir loom tomatoes, and make sautéed tomato, onions, garlic w olive oil topping for pasta! O used to do that.

We have a Resident's Council, and Food Commitee once a month.

I pretty much do my own stuff. Art, Crafts, streaming TV, Movies but they have at least 2-3 activities each day on the weekdays of various kinds. Have to get back to Bingo, and maybe another group or two. One of my neighbors and I play scrabble, but been awhile. I have about 8 people I'm talking w a good amount. Unless someone is rude to me (rare, one person not there anymore) I'm generally courteous, and friendly. I often have one table mate for lunch and dinner. Someone who suddenly got into Democratic politics 2 yrs ago. We talk about all that.

You want to check the food options. We get different stuff each day with some repeats over the month, occasionally the week. There's a bit of choice at breakfast.
For lunch, and dinner 2 main choices w some over lap of veggies. There also almost always is baked chicken, and white rice as a third alternative. Our kitchen servers have mostly been steady workers. Been there 2+ yrs.

I tend to like the food more than a bunch of residents. Some of it is quite tasty at least to me. I wondered and was concerned for a while of how I felt.

However on the rare occasion my sister treats me to a meal (occasionally I can afford a low cost one), or I get some pizza, or a bit of stuff from Trader Joe's my taste buds have pretty much stayed the same. So I don't think at least my in general positive outlook on the food is "off" for me, anyway. Infrequently it's boring - this past night's chicken caeser salad. 😴
So ask questions about the menu options!

Finally, and a serious blessing somehow bc we live on a superblock and there are some other senior oriented buildings, and another facility, or maybe a rehab place...
We have a tree filled backyard! 🥰 And I gave a backyard view! The trees are just beginning to leaf bud! There's a long garden below us we can walk into. They have more flowers! 🥰 Their daffodils are up.

My apt is a modest size, but not claustrophobic. Have small kitchen sink, and a microwave, and modest fridge.

Well, I think I've given you lots of details to think about.
Keep us posted! 🙂👍🤞

The reason I ask is I will be going into AL with my husband and quite frankly, there are times when both of us need the bathroom at the same time. Is there a bathroom on each floor to accommodate such a situation?

No, there is no seperate "outside" bathroom on the floor, just on the main floor by the dining room.

As far I know this ALP houses people singly, no couples.

I should ask, just to know for sure- but that's been my impression.

in California, in a five bedroom home in the 1980's. Worked out really well. My mother, 2007 to 2016, stayed at an ambulatory facility, that accepted her, but she wasn't able to walk or take care of herself. My brothers took care of her arrangements, but didn't get her appropriate physical therapy, etc., she finally passed away, it was a very long slow death. The facility was like an apartment building with a common room that served three meals a day. All patients had their own rooms, bathrooms and could come and leave as they wished. Some patients/clients drove and would be back in time for dinner. It was a good facility, they just were not equipped to take of my mother and never should of accepted her, but money always wins.
Just make sure they can help you as your health/conditions change.

Does the staff appear professional and clean?

Do residents appear engaged or withdrawn?

Maintenance, odors, and cleanliness of the facility are key tells.

Also, go to review websites and look for comments by ex-employees.


(this is my "if only I had done that" list from 11 years ago when we went through your process)

I have called on a rare occadion to say I'd be back after 11P, or midnight.

They allow a 10 day vacation either in a few sets, or 10 days straight.

We do get rides to & from for medical appointments.

We have a guard at the front desk.

We can either do our own meds (I do), or they'll give them.

There's a modest room (where the kitchen in in the back corner) for group activities.

We have a few outings.

Best is our 3 summer BBQ's in the backyard.

after my mom died and I moved him from CA where there was no family to North Carolina where I had just moved. There was no room in my house for him.
The first place I found worked very well for him for about a month. Then my husband and I went over one Sunday to watch a football game with him and found him on the floor in his room. He was cold and had been down there for some time. I asked the family practitioner we were going to and she recommended a family owned facility. After visiting it, I moved him there to assisted living and in less than a week they called and said he needed the nursing level of care, so we moved him to a room on that side of the facility. He was there for a little over a year before he passed away and I was pleased with his care. I would go visit him 2-3 times/week. My husband (an MD) would go at least once/week.
My concern for you would be to find out how a facility would accommodate both of you needing different levels of care. Will they require you to separate and be in two different rooms? What happens if one of you develops dementia? Can there be an aide assigned to provide additional care to one of you if you are both in the same room?
Have you asked your primary doc to recommend a facility? Do you have any family --or close younger friend--who will visit at least every week or two at different times of day to advocate for you?
Have you thought about hiring additional help to come to your home on a daily basis?
Good luck!

We have a housekeeper who comes in to do laundry and routine cleaning. She brings her own mops and brooms and is efficient, on time, and always helpful finding ways to reduce clutter, organize closets, etc. I pay her $160 for 4 hours. Hubby has hired outside help for upkeep of lawn, trees, bushes, etc. which runs more expensive than inside.

I do the food shopping, going 3 days a week instead of one big day. We tried having store delivery but I found it erratic and expensive, adding about $20 per trip every week and then I didn't even get what I wanted.

As for someone to check in on us, I'll be sure to ask when we visit.