WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump “totally freaked out” on Tuesday when he discovered that the Nobel Peace Prize form includes a question as to whether the applicant has ever used his nation’s military against his own citizens.

Blasting the Nobel committee for including the question, Trump reportedly hurled a bottle of ketchup against a wall of the Oval Office, narrowly missing Stephen Miller’s head.

Trump ultimately checked the “YES” box in answer to the question, but argued that the Nobel application was treating him “very unfairly.”

“I’ve grabbed hundreds of people off the street and they’ve never been seen or heard from again,” he said. “If that’s not creating peace, then I don’t know what peace is.”