Borowitz - How to Identify Fugitive Democrats

By Texas Governor Greg Abbott

My fellow Americans:

As you may know, 51 cowardly Democrat legislators are on the run from Texas. They are shirking their duty to rid our glorious state of the representative government that has plagued us for far too long.

These Democrats could be anywhere. They could be in your town. They could be hiding under your bed. More likely, they are at a farmer’s market, selecting artisanal pickles.

The following are tips to help you identify Democrats in your midst:

Democrats are often seen carrying tote bags featuring the logos of PBS, NPR, Doctors Without Borders and other subversive organizations.

Democrats can be found in Starbucks, ordering beverages with oat milk, or salads with quinoa. (Note: Democrats are the only people who like quinoa.)

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/how-to-identify-fugitive-democrats