Borowitz - Portrait in Assclownery: CBS's New Despot

Allow me to offer belated congratulations to David Ellison, the new owner/overlord of Paramount Pictures.
I say “belated” because I should have congratulated him in 1982.

That was the year that one of the billions of sperm produced by Larry Ellison, Oracle’s co-founder and the world’s second-richest man, helped conceive the nepo embryo who, nine months later, would be christened David.

Without that propitious act of fertilization, the newest chapter in the debasement of the American media could never have been written.

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/rip-cbs