some days, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that you don’t even know where to start. so let’s just spin the Big Wheel of Moron and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

oh look, the House just made itself go fuckity-bye for the rest of the summer.



why? because mean old Thomas Massie has been walking around with a big, throbbing discharge petition in his pants, and he’s been threatening to expose it to everyone.

House Speaker Limpdick Von Gavel had worked himself into a Ginormous Furious over this discharge petition — because had Massie gotten the chance to pull it out, it would have forced a vote on releasing the Epstein Files.

The acrimony comes as Massie continues to push for a vote on his bipartisan resolution calling for the release of documents in the Jeffrey Epstein case, a measure many Republicans are opposed to. Massie is vowing to use a discharge petition to force a vote on the measure, something rarely used by a member of the majority.

...and so Speaker Limpdick did the only thing he could. he bravely ran away, away.