imagine, if you will, that you were a greedy amoral president, looking to profit off the enormous power you wield. here’s a fun thing you could do: you could impose ruinous policies that would send the markets straight into the shitter. then, you and your cronies could buy stocks on the cheap — after which, you would then announce that those policies were going fuckity-bye.

the markets would go through the roof on that news. you and pals could cash out and score a fortune — and nobody could prove a thing. it’s a good thing that tomfuckery like that doesn’t occur in real life, isn’t it?

or does it?

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“THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY!!! DJT”

that’s what Donny posted to his piece of shit app, seven minutes after the markets opened yesterday. you could dismiss it as more rah rah bluffoonery from a deteriorating rodeo clown in deep denial about his reckless tariffs. but then, four hours later — more than enough time for anyone with advance knowledge to do a little buying — this happened.

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“based on the fact that more than 75 Countries have called Representatives of the United States, including the Departments of Commerce, Treasury, and the USTR, to negotiate … I have authorized a 90 day PAUSE.”