DEA Officials Confirm Elon Musk's Ketamine Habit the Single Most Effective Way to Make Drugs Look Uncool

Satire. Or is it?

Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is still the single most effective way to make drugs look uncool to America’s youth, confirmed sources.

“We all know that drugs have won the war on drugs,” said Diaz, who looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. “The problem is, drugs are cool. And when kids see people on drugs, it makes them want to try it themselves so they can, you know, write existential horror novels or jam out on the electric saxophone for hours and hours. Luckily, Elon Musk and his rampant ketamine habit is like a reverse Joe Camel and a perfect deterrent for kids. I mean, no one who sees that man glitching in real-time and giving extremely awkward answers during interviews would ever want to start taking anything.”

Local DARE Officer Paul Carpenter-Pryce was more than happy to finally see a public figure look like a complete dork on drugs.

“Elon has inspired more kids to go straight edge than Ian MacKaye himself,” said Carpenter-Pryce. “Presumably, no one’s ever enjoyed his company enough to not be on drugs themselves. But what he does have is a very serious, potentially deadly ketamine problem, which may eventually destroy his heart and brain. Bad for him, but you know, great for us. We used to tell kids their parents were gonna take them downtown and sell them for crack, but now we just pull up a video of sunglasses-wearing Elon leaping in the air with all of his appendages spread as far out as possible. They get the message.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/SatireLikeTheOnion/comments/1tsyt0k/dea_officials_confirm_elon_musks_ketamine_habit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button