and yes it probably is. I watch a lot of Korean dramas and in their culture the suitor has to get the blessing of both parents and maybe the grandparents as well. They make a formal visit to the extended family bearing gifts and undergo a grilling about their education, career prospects, etc. Sound super daunting, but at least the women "elders" are given an equal say.

Gave me a chance to ask if they were on the same page about children.

The answer made it clear they hadn't talked about it.

That gave me the opening to say you definitely don't get married if you aren't on the same page about important things like that.

Just sayin' don't throw the baby out with the bathwater...

But obviously there's no control over that.

women are not "property" to be transferred.

Yes, the old tradition of a man asking her father's permission was demeaning, but not quite in the way you're thinking. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. They weren't allowed to make decisions on their own. They weren't allowed to work for money, own property, etc.

That was such a long time ago your daughter and her boyfriend may not even know the details of how bad things were. Instead of signaling that they think women aren't capable of making big decisions, I think they're simply seeking a way to be respectful and loving as they form their own family.

If I were you in this position, I would mumble something about how of course they don't need your permission and you're delighted to welcome boyfriend into family. In other words don't read anything into it except as an excuse to throw a small engagement party. Or lunch. Or something.

And do the same for all the other parents