Breaking News: Trump's eulogy has been leaked!

Friends, Americans, countrymen, lend me your ears.
I have come to bury Trump, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interrèd with their bones.
So let it be with Trump.

The noble Brutus
Hath told you Trump was ambitious.
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Trump answered it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest
(For Brutus is an honorable man;
So are they all, all honorable men),
Come I to speak in Trump’s funeral.

He was my friend, faithful and just to me,
But Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honorable man.

He hath brought many captives home to Rome,
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill.
Did this in Trump seem ambitious?

When that the poor have cried, Trump hath wept;
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honorable man.

You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse. Was this ambition?

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious,
And sure he is an honorable man.

I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love him once, not without cause.
What cause withholds you, then, to mourn for him?

O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason!—Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with Trump,
And I must pause till it come back to me.