General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsNot sure if this is where I post this, but here goes:
I know that I said that after my life long wife passed I would never date again because I would be comparing any women to my late wife, but, I've met a woman and we have a date this coming Sat., she lost her husband 3 years ago to cancer and we got to talking and we seemed to click, funny thing is that she asked me out, not the other way around and I'm looking forward to this Sat.
It's been 50+ years since I last dated and I'm clueless on dating in this day and age, my children and grandchildren have been giving me dating advice and it's far, far different from the last time I dated.
Wish me luck everyone.
NoRethugFriends
(3,728 posts)question everything
(52,030 posts)Danmel
(5,761 posts)I hope everything goes the way you want.
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,545 posts)I hope the two of you will have a lovely time!
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)I plan to be up front and honest with her, there's just something about her that...well, I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I feel it in my heart.
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,545 posts)hurl
(1,049 posts)After my mid-life divorce, I expected to die alone in my very red and religious area. Despite the odds, I somehow got once-in-a-lifetime lucky yet again. There is hope if you're willing to be patient.
LoisB
(12,824 posts)vanessa_ca
(808 posts)Eko
(9,955 posts)TygrBright
(21,354 posts)LuckyCharms
(22,484 posts)Just two people talking, getting to know each other.
Good wishes to you, MCE!
sheshe2
(97,135 posts)She will luv ya, we all do.
MIButterfly
(2,570 posts)I hope it goes well. Like others before me have said, just be yourself and have a good time.
Maru Kitteh
(31,618 posts)Trust me on this. And good luck, Im happy for you!
You got this.
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)Thank you!!
Nixie
(17,978 posts)boyfriend! Hes 90 in just a few weeks. He approached her while she was out walking at the outdoor mall by a lake and they sat and watched the ducks and talked. They sparked so they met the same place a week later. And off it went from there.
They both still drive. Hes in great shape, some medical issues, but great for almost 90. Both widowed, of course.
Sounds like a spark for you, too. It can happen at any age! Enjoy your time.
malaise
(295,283 posts)😀
Cha
(318,525 posts)and rare... Good on your Mom and her boyfriend, Nixie!
KT2000
(22,104 posts)but I have no clue how dating works anymore.
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)neither do I.
Back when I first met my wife, it was a given that the man asked the girl out, now, it's totally different, not in a bad way, just...different.
Jack Valentino
(4,880 posts)Paraphrased she said
'After a certain age men tend to avoid making sudden moves where women are concerned. The women have to do the sudden moving, or everyone stands still until it's too late.'
Yes, it's quite all right now for a woman to ask a man out...
As for any other advice given by your children or grandchildren about 'dating',
I have doubts about whether it would aptly apply to you and your date---
presuming she is closer in age to you than she is to them,
she would probably be able to relate better to your 'old-school' dating traditions...
One thing they *might* tell you is that if it goes well, and you want to see her again,
don't wait too long to call her or at least text her--- not more than 2 days, IMHO.
(and if you had a good time, it wouldn't be out of line to text her and tell her so the next day,
or even phone her if you're comfortable with that.)
Good luck, I hope you enjoy it!
You know, my father was in the same situation after my mother died, when he was 80 years old---
and a few years after that, he reconnected with a girl he knew from high school,
and they had dated before he got together with my mother, in their teens!
They became boyfriend and girlfriend for quite a few years, in their 80s!
Srkdqltr
(9,666 posts)calimary
(89,779 posts)Leave any expectations behind and just have a nice time together.
And dont worry if youre feeling a little bit rusty about these things. Youre both in the same boat, so you already have a lot in common!
Enter stage left
(4,506 posts)malaise
(295,283 posts)You are alive so live - ignore the kids and grandkids - just be you.
surfered
(13,018 posts)MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)Attilatheblond
(8,707 posts)Less pressure, more reality.
That's what I was looking for after working on my self/growing for a few years after a heartbreaking divorce.
Looking for a friend. Found one who turned out to be a soul mate and the love of my life.
Look for a friend and let things run a comfortable, natural course.
You deserve friends, MCE, and maybe a new friend might grow into a surprise garden.
Be gentle... with yourself. You are a wise man, and kind, I think. That and your sense of humor will make you a good friend for a woman. And from there, maybe you get to learn to dance again.
It happens. If not now, well, everything is a learning experience. Just relax. You got this!
Skittles
(171,092 posts)OK, maybe just me
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
Jack Valentino
(4,880 posts)until about six months later---- would not be bad advice to 'be yourself' which would be the most honest---
Of course we would all try to be the best version of ourselves---!
canetoad
(20,659 posts)If not DU will be waiting for a full report.
Have a great time MCE.
Grumpy Old Guy
(4,289 posts)You deserve to be happy!
mountain grammy
(28,943 posts)You deserve it
blm
(114,564 posts)Figarosmom
(11,440 posts)Position as you. She's not of " this day and age" either and is looking forward to a date like she is used to have too.
FemDemERA
(793 posts)and I just have to add, I think it was the perfect place as this was the most uplifting post I read in the GD forum today
Dan
(5,098 posts)Be sure she has birth control pills
Seriously , good luck to both of you.
Jack Valentino
(4,880 posts)and don't try to pass it off on their woman!!!
(I always did when I was young, and never created any unplanned pregnancies--
so far as I know!)
(although in this specific case, it may well be a 'moot point')
Dan
(5,098 posts)Totally Tunsie
(11,775 posts)Hope you have wonderful evening. You obviously hit it off, so just pick up where you left off in your congenial meeting.
Is she a DUer?
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)BeneteauBum
(412 posts)Peace ☮️
FakeNoose
(41,234 posts)It's never going to be perfect, but you already knew that.
Just try not to expect too much and maybe you'll end up being pleasantly surprised.
Good luck MCE!
Deuxcents
(26,505 posts)Youll naturally be a tad nervous but it seems youve overcome the first bump in the road so just enjoy the ride to wherever your new friendship takes you. Im so happy for you 😊
JMCKUSICK
(5,857 posts)skypilot
(9,118 posts)What kind of advice are you getting from the young'uns?
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)To me, that seems kinda extreme, but that's just my old fashioned way.
HighFired49
(484 posts)You and I are about the same age, so I have a suggestion. Ask her if she would like for you to pick her up, or whether she would like to meet you for the date, and ask her if you can pay for her dinner, if that's part of the date. It never hurts to ask. That way you don't run the chance of seeming pushy, or overbearing. GOOD LUCK!!!
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)let me do this my way and if it works, it works, if not.................
AloeVera
(4,189 posts)Very exciting for you! Don't get too worked up, try to relax and just have fun. If it's meant to be, it will happen. And who knows, soon you might be giving dating advice to the rest of us!
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)that means alot to me.
RussBLib
(10,564 posts)
dont be weird.
At ease, soldier.
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)How dare you call a Marine a Soldier.
Of course I'm just kidding.
No plans on being weird.
hamsterjill
(17,481 posts)Lucy's advice to her father when he's going on a date with Sidney Ellen Wade is "Compliment her shoes. Girls like that."
Seriously - relax and be your own charming self. I think it's awesome that she asked you out. Good for her!
Wishing you a fun and enjoyable evening, and if it's meant to be - then wishing you whatever comes next as long as it's happiness inspired!!!
FHRRK1
(9 posts)So MCE, put a good shine on the shoes and clean behind your ears!
Since I havent been on a date since the 80s, I got nothing else to offer.
The clean behind the ears came from a TikTok video I saw last week. There was a list of seven, can only remember the ears and possibly use just a dab of cologne if any.
I think everything else is standard, hold the door open, treat service staff nicely, basically stuff we learned in our first year of dating.
Jack Valentino
(4,880 posts)'After all, how often do you look at a man's shoes?" ~ The Shawshank Redemption
jfz9580m
(16,893 posts)I wish you all the best. My ex and I split up because I came rather late to the realization that I was a frustrated maternal type (upto just 1 kid) and when my ex just nixed the idea, I realized ones subconscious mind has its own operation in the background and while I always knew I could not balance a stem job with a kid with my talent and skill level and I would never give up my job, I had unconsciously married him still factoring in what a good dad he would have been. After that..these days I finally pay more attention to my subconscious mind. We got amicably divorced and still talk every day.
He is pretty much the only person I ever seriously dated.
It is far from dating and more a Mulder-Scully type of professional relationship (which our tacky former employer would be unable to comprehend, being used to those Si Valley perverts more than natural scientists).
But I asked a male scientist I met in 2011 (well after my ex husband and I had decided to split up and were merely delaying the final wrench) over email (cced to our stupid admin and my mentor) to get back in touch with me as I am preparing to file malpractice and misconduct allegations against the school. And want to talk to him and give him an in person or over Zoom headsup so those idiots dont yet again try to shift blame using their pathetic corporate strategies. But they are awful and would use stupid strategies at a time when selective kobayashi maru is the way forward.
A less positive story than yours MarineCombatEngineer, but that is how Oljfz9580m rolls
How is your granddaughter? Did she end up finishing her first job? Those vehicles are scary to drive. I never liked driving much even in our old Maruti Suzuki I think it was. It is a small car. But the streets where I live in India are pretty narrow and difficult to navigate even when thankfully desolate. So
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)she's now home on her 34 hour reset and getting ready to head out on her second solo run.
MustLoveBeagles
(15,869 posts)Just be yourself and everything will fall into place.
BurnDoubt
(1,630 posts)There must be so much good in you to have been married for so long.
I'm sure she does too.
Share that. That's what got you here.
I'm wishing you both the Best.
COL Mustard
(8,148 posts)Just relax and have a good time!
And by the way, I saw a car this morning with a tag that said 2x JRHDZ. I almost ran off the road!
Takket
(23,665 posts)your first wife would not want you to be alone on her account......
have fun!
Irish_Dem
(80,849 posts)I am wishing you good luck and have a wonderful time!
I am so happy for you!
usedtobedemgurl
(2,010 posts)You have got this.
Lifeafter70
(931 posts)Almost forgot good luck
highplainsdem
(61,551 posts)UTUSN
(77,561 posts)maspaha
(735 posts)Be YOU!
And be open to love again, but dont rush in.
Bayard
(29,398 posts)If she is, you'll have plenty to talk about. If not, you'll have plenty to talk about too, but there probably won't be a second date.
Are you having dinner together?
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)Marie Marie
(11,186 posts)find you irresistible.
Joinfortmill
(20,940 posts)ColoringFool
(592 posts)Jack Valentino
(4,880 posts)or any weekend....
but I'm past the age 'where men make sudden moves with women'...!
Good luck, I hope it goes well.
AverageOldGuy
(3,716 posts)Be polite -- open doors for her; pull out her chair at the table; help her on/off with her coat.
Don't dominate the conversation; ask her about herself.
I'm an old soldier. I've known a lot of Marines and everyone was a gentleman . . . well, maybe except for . . . but that's another story.
I'm happy for both of you.
mr715
(3,378 posts)Good luck, you won't need it.
Gore1FL
(22,932 posts)My ex-wife convinced me that single-life was superior; I have few regrets.
Others prefer company, and I appreciate that some people can do that.
kairos12
(13,523 posts)2nd Chapters are real. Best to you. This comes from a man who lost his wife of 40 years 3 years ago.
angrychair
(12,164 posts)Don't stress and be yourself
ZDU
(1,199 posts)Bettie
(19,588 posts)you'll do fine.
LudwigPastorius
(14,582 posts)Make sure you compliment her...something like, "You don't sweat much for a big girl".
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)You now owe me a new keyboard, I laughed so hard I spit all over my keyboard and shorted it out.
Thanks for nothing.
Beacool
(30,513 posts)Relax and have fun. A sense of humor goes a long way. Just go with the flow and have a good time. The worst that can happen is that you may make a new friend.
Good luck!!!
c-rational
(3,184 posts)On the seond date you can actually show her the thread, Be yourself and enjoy. Best.
Permanut
(8,285 posts)We want a followup on this story.
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)I meant to say more, but that would seem to be a bit personal.
niyad
(131,734 posts)begin this next chapter in your life. May it be a great one. You deserve it, my friend.
We will, of course, expect a FULL report!!
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)niyad
(131,734 posts)MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)ChicagoTeamster
(803 posts)Hey Joe
(560 posts)Hope you both hit it off well and you make a new friend, or something more.
summer_in_TX
(4,124 posts)I'm sure it will be lovely getting to know someone new and vice versa. It'll be good to tell your stories to someone who is curious and open to them as she gets to know you, and vice versa. Talking to your kids when they've known you their whole life runs into expectations, assumptions, and relationship habits and just isn't that satisfying. This is all new, fresh. I feel certain you will have a wonderful time.
Talitha
(7,908 posts)Well, she asked you out and you already seem to click - that's a great start.
Are you going anywhere special, or just hanging out at one of your homes? In any case, just be yourself.
Relax, you've got this.
MarineCombatEngineer
(18,021 posts)after that, I'll ask her if there's anywhere special she'd like to go to, maybe dancing, even though I'm a terrible dancer, when I dance, I look like one of those inflatable figures that you see at a car dealership that flops everywhere.
Talitha
(7,908 posts)I might have gone out with you in high school.
Back to Saturday - why not ask her ahead of time what she'd like to do after dinner? She might suggest a movie or a walk.
Have fun!
Evolve Dammit
(21,735 posts)Arthur_Frain
(2,311 posts)Just let expectations go and enjoy.
Ilikepurple
(606 posts)Boo1
(308 posts)she'll probably remember dating the same way you do.
DFW
(60,058 posts)If I had to guess, Id offer be open to everything, while harboring no expectations
But since I met my wife 52 years ago when we were both 22, and we are still together, Im probably the VERY last person you should ask for advice!
Laurelin
(876 posts)Scrivener7
(59,330 posts)NNadir
(37,851 posts)His second marriage was wonderful because his first taught him how to love.
Best of luck.
viva la
(4,583 posts)And have fun! You deserve some joy.
orangecrush
(29,943 posts)Hope you have a great time!
babylonsister
(172,717 posts)I don't see you tolerating anything less. And can she cook. Very important because Portuguese food is delicious!
I do love she invited you, so she's somewhat assertive. That should help with your conversation.
I hope you both have a magical evening!
LisaM
(29,595 posts)There's no reason either of you should spend this chapter of your life being lonely. It also sounds as if you have great kids and grandkids. Maybe she does, too.
My widowed mother is 90 today, about ready for assisted living, and loneliness is, I think, her biggest issue, as it is with many older people. I hope this develops into something!
Clouds Passing
(7,839 posts)IbogaProject
(5,804 posts)Dating wont be much different relative to your youth vs that you both have much more stuff than in your youth. Best wishes.
Cherokee100
(448 posts)Hang in there Jarhead. Take it one step at a time. Semper Fidelis.
appleannie1
(5,447 posts)onethatcares
(16,983 posts)being a gentleman never hurts either.
you will be fine.