Spurious News: FBI Director Patel announces complete list of sports events he will attend at taxpayer expense!

PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- "I recently attended the finals of the Men's Olympic Hockey tournament in Milan, Italy," said FBI Director Kash Patel. "Because the American people made it clear through their comments I deserve to watch live sports on the public's dime, I will begin flying to sporting events every weekend."

Director Patel has unveiled the following tentative schedule of sports travel, which can be added to at any time.

On February 26, Director Patel will attend the NFL Scouting Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, and will stay until the event ends on March 1.

On March 8, Director Patel will attend the NASCAR Cup Straight Talk Wireless 500 at Phoenix Raceway, Arizona.

From March 12 to March 15, he will attend the Formula 1 Heineken Chinese Grand Prix in Shanghai, China.

He will attend the NCAA Men's Sweet 16 basketball tournament on March 26 to 27, and the Final Four and Championship games a week later.

On April 11 he will attend the Cincinnati Reds-Los Angeles Angels game at Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati.

On April 18 he will travel to New York City to enjoy New York City Football Club soccer action as they take on Charlotte Football Club at Citi Field.

On May 24 he will do the "Memorial Day Double" by watching the Indianapolis 500 in the afternoon then flying to Charlotte to see the Coca-Cola 600.

On June 13 Director Patel and King Donald Trump will travel to Cleveland to see the Guardians take on the Detroit Tigers. At that game a very special tradition will be revisited. "We'll sell Stroh's beer for ten cents per cup, no limit on the number of cups purchased," said Guardians Promotion Director Bill Veeck. "We'll project pages from the Epstein Files on the Jumbotron and hang a sign on the luxury box the two of them are in that says 'they're right in here!' We always wanted a new stadium and it's high time we get one."

As neither Trump nor Patel believe they will survive Ten Cent Beer Night II, no further events have been scheduled.