Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too (satire)

Published:November 17, 2025

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her podcast Monday waiting for everyone else to start condoning pedophilia too. “I can’t be the only person who thinks having sex with a teenager isn’t all that bad, so don’t leave me hanging here, guys,” a visibly distraught Kelly said to her producer and camera operator, moments before she began cold-calling past guests of her show in search of anyone willing to agree on the record that 15 was “plenty old enough.”

“We all thought this was where the messaging was going, right? We all like pictures of young girls, who gives a crap. Hey, Steve, can you call Ben Shapiro again? Let’s get Glenn Beck on the phone. All these clapbacks are going to look really, really silly once everyone starts saying they love pedophilia! Why don’t we all just shout it together? It’s like that movie Spartacus. All right, three, two, one: I love pedophilia!” At press time, Kelly had reappeared on her podcast in a wig and was saying in a British accent that she also condoned pedophilia.

https://theonion.com/megyn-kelly-anxiously-waits-for-everyone-else-to-start-condoning-pedophilia-too/