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The Borowitz Report-Government Shutdown Costs Kristi Noem Her Extensions
Government Shutdown Costs Kristi Noem Her Extensions
— Jimi Rhythm (@jimmyrhythm.bsky.social) 2025-10-02T15:12:16.481Z
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/government-shutdown-costs-kristi
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Declaring that “there’s a human cost to this,” an irate Kristi Noem revealed on Thursday that the “Democrat-caused shutdown” has resulted in her losing her voluminous hair extensions.
“When I pose in front of a cage of migrants in El Salvador, my extensions are an important part of my uniform,” she said. “I feel naked without them.”
Warning of dire consequences if the shutdown continues, she added, “My fillers could be next.”
Noem said she received a sympathetic email from Vice President JD Vance, who has been forced by the shutdown to forego his eyeliner.
“When I pose in front of a cage of migrants in El Salvador, my extensions are an important part of my uniform,” she said. “I feel naked without them.”
Warning of dire consequences if the shutdown continues, she added, “My fillers could be next.”
Noem said she received a sympathetic email from Vice President JD Vance, who has been forced by the shutdown to forego his eyeliner.
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