I do not demand of any German man to do anything I was not prepared to do
myself for four years. There should be no deprivation in Germany that I will not share. My entire life belongs from this moment on to my people. I want nothing else now than to be the first soldier of the German Reich.

I have now put on the same uniform that was once my dearest and holiest. I will only take it off after the victory, or else I will not live to see that end.

Should something happen to me in this battle, my first successor will be party
member Goering. Should something happen to party member Goering, the next in line will be party member Hess.

You would then be bound by blind loyalty to them as Fuehrers , as you were to me. Should something happen to party member Hess, I will enact a law that the senate will then elect the worthiest, i.e. the bravest from their midst.

As National Socialist and as a German soldier I am going into this battle with
a brave heart. My whole life was nothing but one continuous battle for my people, for its renewal, for Germany.

This battle was always backed by the faith in this people. There is one word I have never known. It is surrender. If anybody thinks we may be heading towards difficult times, I want to ask him to remember that once a Prussian king with a minuscule state faced a big coalition and won after three battles, because he had a strong heart and faith.

This is what we need today. And I want to tell the whole world: never again will there be a November 1918 in German history! Just as I am ready to sacrifice my life at any moment for my people and Germany, I demand the same from everyone. Anyone who believes he can evade this national command – whether directly or indirectly – will fall. Traitors can only expect death.

I demand of every American to do nothing without my permission. There should be no deprivation in America that I will not order. My entire fortune belongs from this moment on to my secret bitcoin wallet. I want nothing else now than to be the first King of America.

I have now put on the same baggy, unwashed suit that was once commissioned by P. T. Barnum. I will only take it off for royal robes that make "King Chuck" look like a pauper, or else he will not live to see that end.

Should something happen to me in this battle, my first successor will be party
member Miller (Sorry, JD). Should something happen to party member Miller, the next in line will be party member Giuliani.

You would then be bound by blind
loyalty to them as Fuehrers , as you were to me. Should something happen to party member Giuliani, I will enact a law that the senate will then elect the worthiest, i.e. the bravest from Fox News.

As a lifelong sex offender and grifter, and as a Fugazi president, I am going into this battle with a lot of unresolved psychological problems. My whole life was nothing but one continuous battle for suckering fools out of their money.

This battle was always backed by the
faith in the power of threats and bribery. There is one word I have never known. It is honesty. If anybody thinks we may be heading towards difficult times, I want to ask him to remember that once a man named Jeffrey Epstein with no morals faced international law, and evaded long prison sentences because he had sleazeball friends with even lower morals, and knew who to pay off.

This is what we need today. Bribes, tribute. And I want to tell the whole world: never again will there be honor in American history!

Just as I am ready to sacrifice your life at any moment for my enrichment and Junior's, I demand both worship (of me) and military service against Mexico and Canada from everyone. Anyone who believes he can evade this national command – whether under 16 or over 70, or having bonespurs – will fall. Traitors can only expect a cabinet position or Supreme Court seat.