White House Admits Swollen Ankles Indicate Trump Suffers From Condition Of Being Super Old

(okay, folks, this is Wonkette, so I HAD to share!!!)

White House Admits Swollen Ankles Indicate Trump Suffers From Condition Of Being Super Old
Also probably serious varicose veins, so let's be grateful he never wears shorts.
Gary Legum
Jul 18, 2025

American Emperor of All the Moons and Stars in the Firmament Donald Trump was sitting onstage at some event or other a few days ago talking to his wife, which must have been a startling moment for both of them. His poorly tailored suit pants had hiked themselves up past his shins as if trying to escape the scent of Ben-Gay and foot fungus. This was when eagle-eyed observers noticed that the president’s ankles were swollen by such a huge amount that if Air Force One ever crashes in water, he can use them as a flotation device. Really, you didn’t need to be eagle-eyed to spot those puppies. The astronauts on the ISS were probably frantically radioing Houston to ask when those meteors slipped past them and hit Earth.

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There was immediate widespread speculation that Trump’s celestial-object-sized cankles were a sign of some larger illness. Perhaps his ancient heart, pummeled for decades by Quarter Pounders aimed straight at his arteries like Tomahawk missiles, was on the verge of collapsing in on itself.

The cankles were so obvious that not even this White House could spin them away by attacking reporters for noticing them in the first place. Which is too bad, because we were really looking forward to Karoline Leavitt explaining that Donald Trump has always had ankles like tree trunks, the strongest ankles of any president in history, which is how he has managed to maintain his robust fitness, and only the fake news would say they might be a sign of poor health but the American people aren’t going to be fooled.

No, Leavitt actually addressed the situation, explaining that Trump has developed something called chronic venous insufficiency. And it is sort of amazing, given her abundant sycophancy, that admitting Trump is anything less than perfect didn’t cause her head did not explode like one of the fembots in Austin Powers.

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https://www.wonkette.com/p/white-house-admits-swollen-ankles